Change in Care …

women in white dress running on green grass field

Its always a blessing to have positive rapport with others, but its not okay to make someone look like something they are not for the purpose of comparison, in one interaction with a Reverend who held my hands and made selfie videos I slammed my head into the door repeatedly until it bled. That’s how it feels when you lose strength and stability and cannot explain what went wrong or what things are about. So if the goal is to make me look like women who are no longer here, who have been suicidal, or who were murdered, then the #laxcourthouse and I can figure out who is being memorialized and what the causes for suicide are purported to be by making an example of me, causing an unnecessary struggle, after having spoke for several days in a row through one of the most devasting fights in human history. Therefore while it may be important to remember some, the closer you get to an issue, the less there is to hide, the more intrusive it feels, and that’s not a natural way of treating a human being for your own mental health, confidence, and insight, to practice influencing, changing, or seeing a difference on someones face or body, to know who one is connected to then hurt me on the basis of being connected to a human body here or not here, to see what causes me death suicide or overdose, just for someone else to have a firmer grasp on the issue. Whats too late, is that people are already in pain, so if you want me to talk about that pain, then putting me in pain is not necessary to solve COVID, or deserved being treated as Asian or Jewish, its my heritage, I have lived my entire life in the United States, so if you are trying to change my face body intelligence accuse me of not being connected to my own Country, then I can cut my drivers license in half, and not blog, then where will you be, what answers will have been provided to you, if I disappear, or made to feel scared, or mentally ill. When someone doesn’t care about you with 17 million views, that’s because they don’t value or appreciate that during a time of sickness, its hard to function, its hard to think you get sleepy you get depressed, is easy to feel guilt, it can result in loss of motivation, weight gain, feeling bad about yourself, upset, and the whole point of living life is to keep going in life, no matter how hard things get psychologically or politically, we all have to wake up, go to sleep, and continue to work on ourselves and our lives the next day, and while it may be appropriate to stop most people on the basis of mental illness, its not appropriate to hurt me if Im not self harming, not doing drugs, drinking, or engaging in any romantic relationships flirting or being sexual with myself or others, a time of disease is not a time for sex, I don’t care who is born or making babies, maybe that’s them saying we need to move on, maybe that’s them saying life is short, maybe that’s them saying we are mature, and maybe that’s you who needs to be appreciative of who is here, and stop treating anyone younger than you, like they have not been through a lot, according to my calculation, you got out of a recession and have unlimited television, we also have unlimited options in makeup now, thanks to all of those who decided to grow up quick, learn how to be business savvy, and represent themselves well, in spite of everyones differences, supported or not, rivalries or peace. What does it mean to be privileged, that in order for you to survive you have to (1) finish school and (2) get a job. Since it was COVID and Ive been in my room for 4 years through fires and riots, its no wonder why I was patient enough to talk and write through it all, without showing any number of difficulties faced mentally and physically, or emotionally, or romantically, so if the final thread has been broken and Im hysterically crying, maybe it was my stability that was hard earned and important to me, maybe its my heart that’s important to continue on and live life, whether the sky is in agreement, whether intelligence in flourishing, whether my face is sharp, or the sun is shining onto my computer right now. Recognize those who are alive, and the more you concentrate on who is no longer here, and experimenting for reaction, the further away from the courts goal of allowing people to live life free of pressures and blames, only few are afforded that right who do not get in trouble, it will always be those who are strong who are broken to make them see like others, that is if you seem unaffected or doing well, until you struggle too. 

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