blogging, intimacy, negativity, self-love

How Controversy Erupts …

Controversy erupts, whenever anyone feels entitled to knowing something about you, and doesn’t feel like they have been given enough information to make a decision about you, I think I disclose everything about me. Controversy erupts whenever there is an arguments being made about you and when anyone is put in the defensive, that can cause aggravation to the party who is responding or to anyone who thinks that controversy is being made about their treatment of you. When things go back and forth that make each side tired, that’s called argument, argument is something that either makes sense in a way that another can better understand you or another, and doesn’t make someone angry to hear about. Anger erupts when someone feels entitled to knowing something, or believes that something is occurring that is not occurring and takes that anger out on you, anger should not be the catalyst for getting information from someone, or for better understanding someone, hurt them because you are angry at them, or feel entitled to knowing something about them. I think as a blogger I am very open to sharing about what I think. I think in real life when there is no argument occurring you can be left with a bunch of reactions that you either are made to respond to, or have no notification of where that opinion is coming from about you in the negative, that’s called being blind sighted, when things are not left out in the open, and there is a coming to terms with things as they are, and not making you a party to that interpretation of you. Whenever an opinion is being made of you without knowing you, that’s an unfair set of circumstances that get projected onto you, and affect you and your future ability to connect with others, when a negative judgment of you is passed. That negative judgment of you being passed, is so that you are met with difficulty and rejections in life, entitling the people who gather information on you to attack you with judge you in the negative by. I think sharing my story from weight loss to obesity, to graduation to defamation, is to highlight the fact that when things are going well for me, something bad happens, and whether or not that’s my fault should not happen to me or anyone who is doing well. No one who meets you is entitled to hurting you on any basis, whether there is argument for it or evidence, that’s not okay to do in public to someone, simply because you see them in the negative and want others to view them in the negative. For the same reasons that I don’t share on Facebook, the space is too confined and people who know you, don’t feel comfortable when you are not doing well, that is something that causes worry to people, and I would assume the same goes for a blog, where people get to know you on good days and on bad days, don’t want to be shocked by misinformation made about you, upon a presentation of evidence they think is necessary to prove that you are misbehaving in private with anyone, especially anyone mentioned. Which is not the case. Controversy is an unearthing feeling that occurs when you lose control over something, whether thats the way you feel, a sense of stability in what you know, rattled by either information, photographs, or statements made about you in the negative, based upon something that is done to you by another without you knowing it, that is an example of a controversy that can erupt, which you have no control over. What is gravity of harm, it’s a measurable metric for who in the event is exposed to what is being done to you behind your back, or being done to gather the masses in attack of you, how you are affected, and upon being affected and watched for response, how that affects others to hear from you, under a stress, a weighted difficulty of compression on you mentally and physically, that’s more than trauma, that’s being heckled and attacked, and provoked, that’s to stir your emotions to cause anger or difficulty that amounts to a visible mental illness, necessary for them to call you mentally ill or to be considered right in their provocations of you, that’s called bullying. Bullying is a situation when people feel entitled to putting you down in life, either because they think they are better than you, or think that they are better off without you, and in trying to destroy you whether that’s an individual effort or a team effort, feel credited by the fact of your failing health, or worsening mental health condition, feel bettered by. That’s bullying. Bullying can occur whenever someone feels entitled to hurting you, either because they think that they deserve to hurt you, or they think that hurting you serves a bigger purpose, either to notify others that you have mental health issues, or to take out their anger and upset on you in a public way to demonstrate that they do not approve of you or think less of you and want others to think similarly of you, that’s to a public demonstration of hate in the form of defamation to support their illness toward you, meaning they don’t like you, they hate you, they think less of you, they don’t see the value in you, they don’t like your existence, they think theyre better than you, and they don’t want to see you do well, and the fact that you are doing well and they don’t feel good about it, means that your wellness threatens them, means that they don’t feel good unless you are doing poorly, struggling, suffering, or mentally ill, that’s their strength in opinion having a negative viewpoint of you, and that’s what empowers them. People who only feel big when you look small, is how they get their power, that’s what makes them feel smart, why bullies belittle you and try to hurt you, its when youre scared, they feel in control, when you feel small, they feel smart, that’s their peace of mind, its when you are not sure of yourself, and don’t have the confidence to ignore hate or not respond to it, means that you are no longer accommodating a negative impression of you, it means that you no longer acknowledge the fact that someone doesn’t like you and thinks less of you, and you are no longer allowing that hate to disturb you mentally or affect your future, and your present or current relationships, it may be hard to bring anyone new into your life under that amount of stress, hate, and forcible condemnation on you mentally and physically, that’s what defamation is, its intended to scare you, intimidate you, and make you quiet, for an introvert who is not that openly close to anyone, its almost as though you are trying to delete me internally, that deletion internally, is a grose use of force upon a person to quiet them or trick and cajole them into thinking that anyone else is creating that condition other than the perpetrator of that harm, who thinks they are entitled to tormenting you and harassing you into mental illness, its upon disorientation that you are left powerless, then what? Who do you go to for help, who do you rely upon to diffuse a situation, what can you do to better yourself?

  • I started new medication Invega shots to treat schizophrenia.
  • I report to any government agency when unstable and don’t know the cause.
  • I blog and do research, to help others, not feel sick by unwanted pressures.
  • I model and keep track of my physical and mental health, and face dysmorphia.
  • I manage my photos and files on google and do not publish bad photos.
  • I keep an accurate record of all communications, I don’t delete anything.
  • I write reports to FBI, whenever there is a safety concern posed to me or anyone.
  • I don’t engage in fighting with anyone, who doesn’t care if I have mental health issues.
  • I try to stay positive, and get jobs, if I am able to work.
  • I don’t make eye contact with anyone in public, and keep to myself.

This is how unwanted exposures have affected me in my life. I have never blamed others for the causes of voices, and I am also unwilling to accept that I am the creator of the controversy toward me, if that is not my intent for everyone to know me on an intimate level, I think I have worked hard to be avoidant of dating and have worked on myself, waiting to be well in order to be in a loving relationship in the future. I don’t think that I over performed or out performed anyone during COVID, I think since the start of blogging, I blog once a day, and have never blogged more than a page per post, in the event that I have decided to blog that day. I have not been involved in any confrontations in public in the past 6 months to a year, during the time that I have stopped contact with an individual who I was not doing well with. Understand the circumstances and understand the person, that some people just don’t feel good together, and some people don’t do well together that’s not something that you should take personally, we are all afforded an opportunity to make friends and companions in our own communities, I don’t think that online is any different, that someone who you cannot be with in real life, should be held to any unreasonable standards of care or hate on the basis of how you feel, if you have not physically been in the presence of a person, you cannot therefore be the prime candidate for dictating treatment of them in real life, spiritually, online, mentally, or physically. That’s not for a person to decide who cannot be with someone, to broadcast to all people future and in real life, who they are or what they are about or what they are or are not about, on the basis of how you wanted to know them or came to know them on an individual level, or romantic level, I think that everyone does their best, the world is a tough world to stay well in not if you are trying to be close to everyone or if everyone comes to know you, and because your story comes from a commercialized interest attack you on the basis for you performing well in public to a standard that is accepted by most, and hurt you, so that you get attacked as though you have not given your very best effort to perform to a commercialized standard. 

Blogging is for sharing the best of me, I would not put anything less than my best online for others to see. I have never written mentally ill, or have pretended to be mentally ill as any excuse for any interaction or relationship in my entire life, I have never experienced mental illness in the workplace, and have never been in a fight in my entire life, or unwanted confrontation on the basis of anything that I have had to say, or based on how I look, where I live, how I dress, how I speak, who I know, or what car I drive. I think once you get attacked, that has infinite potential to cause you harm, and in causing you harm that causes harm to people who know you who feel like you allow people to harm you and in allowing people to harm you think that you have betrayed them for any reason, the only betrayal that’s occurring is how much about a person you need to know, before you simply allow that person to live life. You should not need to know everything about a person, go through all their communications, all their emails, all they photos, and post everything online to get a good picture of what this person is about, or who they are or what causes they support, what their connections are or where they are headed in life to determine how much force to use on them to stop them from growing, living life, and moving forward, no one is entitled to stopping someone from living life on the basis of trying to argue that love for them was necessary to their survival so since you were not continuing to be loving toward them they hurt your ability to survive and thrive. #stopbullying #moveon

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