blogging, blogging tips, personality

What Does Going Though A Lot Mean? …

Going through a lot means to take good care of yourself first an foremost, I understand that with mental health in your personal history, that may later come into play in how someone treats you or assumes to know what you are about or pin point what it is that causes you mental illness or to now feel good about yourself. We are all insecure. I think at 36, its more pronounced, because I don’t make money, Im not in a paid job, and my stats are not permanent, meaning that if I discontinue blogpros distribution, and don’t blog everyday, then similarly my stats change and lessen, that doesn’t mean that I have done something to cause people to not read my blog, that means that I stopped paying $200 a month to have my blog distributed for likes, that’s all that that means. I think coming from a good place, its hard to think of any reason why anyone would treat you like you are coming from a bad place in life, I think we are all made to think about life in a serious way, and that you don’t have to be offended for, to re-group or re-prioritize your time in life. Who you are is of influence, I was just chatting about this today, being responsible for the influence that you have in the world, who you support, and who you buffer from stresses in life or responsibilities, I think life was made to be thought about, not within the constraints of liabilities and responsibilities, and this is what companies are for, that If you support a company, such as myself you are made to feel better by the fact that that company that you support is also looking out for your best interests, to not hold you responsible for the support that you give or take away, on its own is free standing, without the necessity for a public audiences identity be known, that’s confidentiality, and stats, I think analytics are for the purposes of allowing us to gravitate and search things that we find interesting and also not have that become a public entity, what we are studying or who we admire, I don’t even think that most people on social media are keeping track of all the things that they have liked and everything that anyone would think upon review of what they have seen online, we all see differently, we weren’t all made to see the same things in life, not the same music or movies either, that I think is your choice what you choose to watch and expose yourself to in life, we don’t all have to have the same system to handle most things in life, for example I don’t watch scary movies, I don’t have the stomach for it, I cant watch it, and I get nightmares which means Im not a naturally comfortable person in public or at night, or comfortable talking to people, difficulty with eye contact, I can see some people are more comfortable with their version of reality and prefer not to integrate the perspectives of those who are not made to feel safe in their surroundings or others, there is something about someone who is comfortable around most, that makes them comfortable to know and be around and look at, without expectation of being judged, those are the types of people who become the most successful bloggers, they are easy to support, and their support pays off. Today I was thinking about, what it means to be out in the world and around others, I don’t think as a private person without a blog I was so easily confident, or felt more misunderstood than supported on my off days, mental health issues are like that, people don’t know how to treat you, and when they see you, they don’t feel good by you, that’s not confidence that’s in illness, looking disheveled, or overweight, you usually feel good by people who look good, you’ll learn that the hard way in Los Angeles, if you have ever been made to focus on those aspects of yourself, what you look like, maybe you will come across that way was someone who is overly confident in how they look, not because they earned it, worked hard for it. 

Pattern Example:

Looking Presentable (face/body) > Appearing in Public > Noticed > Thought About

Being Out in Public > Comfortable with Myself > Being Noticed > Behavior/Looks Like

Looks/Like Behave Like > Is Alone > Was Out in Public > What they Look Like Now

Being Educated, Studying > Taking Selfies > Clean Faced > Feeling Good, Alone, Not Around

Being Around People > Feeling Drained > Looking Different > Then What People Think 

Being in an Intimate Relationship > Feeling Focused or Not Focused > Looking Different

Being Social > Getting Along with Others > Feeling Drained > Positive > or Not Positive

Being Known > Looking the Part > Being Stable > Getting Sick > Not Looking the Part

Being Known > Introduce Self > Talk to People on Messenger > Then Don’t Feel Good

How you Feel > How you Connect > What you Sound Like > What you connect for?

Connecting to Others on the basis of Respect > How you inform others > How they feel.

As someone who isolates, not because of depression or lack of social skills that is just how I was made to feel to protect myself, that has nothing to do with how anyone has been toward me, even before lawsuit, that’s how I was in college and in law school, I am social, but I am not out, I am known either because I am a neighbor, or known through friends, and its people who ask me to go out, or reach out to me that I was social. Later in life if you face substance abuse related issues, you have to change your phone number, move states, or become disconnected socially from those you were friends with, that doesn’t mean that your friends were using buddies for drink or drugs, that simply means that you were not doing well, and that’s to keep you away from people who either are doing well, or for you not to be doing well not to expose others to your mental health issues and heal. I think everyone is positive about the concept of rehab and treatment nowadays, it means that you are going some place that is telling you that you have problems, or this is the problem and being treated for it. Never in my life did I see iPhone or computer as addiction, not as a workaholic blogger, maybe my stats don’t show for it, but that was really hard work to become known as a blogger, and did not come easily, I have written online on and off for years and rarely ever got likes or follows that’s for a different breed someone who is more socially acceptable or doesn’t have an identity that is connected to someone who is in jail, and maybe that was the tough quality about me that others were taken a back from, what it was about me, so independent and strong that they felt threatened by, this was after law school and after drinking, I think drinking makes you seem like you don’t care, or disconnected in a way that others cant get through to you, like most people who do drugs or abuse medications are thought to seem that way, something off about them, so having mental health issues makes you get treated that way, that there is something missing, or something not said, or something to be aware of, or cautious of, I have never been in a single fight in my entire life, never been in any confrontation, no history of talking to myself or shouting, no history of self-harm in public or in private around people, later in life if you haven’t figured it out, you will quickly realize that when the ball is not on your side of the court its on the side of the court who is watching you to report you, jail you, sue you, complain about you, hurt you, trash you, correct you, or watch you fail, and that’s when there is a team made not in alignment to your recovery, but on the basis of their experience knowing you or based on your academic history, romantic history, see you differently, this is why I said I see dating as pointless. It makes you look like youre mentally ill, if you are a blogger, who people from your life have heard of or read along, but don’t let you know that they read your blog, but are told by people who read your blog, that they read your Twitter and heard that you mentioned this, or them, and that’s how you get confronted about talking about your life, should you mention anyone, everyone on their side, and no one on your side. This is the difficulty with blogging, no one supports you, and everyone supports eachother, no one understands you, and everyone understands eachother, I guess its easier for someone reading in a public space, than it is to hear what you have to say in private, once you become a public figure, you become a bigger person so to speak, therefore someone talking to you, knowing that others know you, will feel like a smaller person talking to you, which is why a big person talking in a small space, is easily made to feel uncomfortable, either the other person has become insecure, or you seem like you are stronger than they are because you are a public figure or out in the open, think thats how you feel talking to them, will occur online on a bigger platform, its not me that makes people feel small, its who you think I am that makes you think that I am a threat, which is why I don’t talk to people one on one in private anymore, and also feel more comfortable talking online, its an easier way to talk to everyone, without making anyone feel small, or worry about the wrong people feeling big and then hurting me on the basis of how they feel thinking its me, healthy, or not healthy, that is affecting them or how they feel about things or see the world, we are all entitled to seeing the world as we see fit, that’s in no ones power, to dictate how things are supposed to look, or to control how things happen. I think getting in trouble makes you seem like a huge disappointment, and in that isolation, that’s how you get judged as being a loser, because you were forced to move home, are not working a paid job, and on medications now because people had a problem with you, that’s them going nuts on you, not you going nuts on them. That’s being independent, people are only okay with you for so long as they feel good by you, and once someone doesn’t feel good by you, you cant expect them to be on your team or support you, not even all the private school graduates in Los Angeles are on the same team in life, you would think that we all supported one another, but it has become extremely political, the basis for people knowing others, being social, and who is above who nowadays. That has always been my dream to write a book, I have been working towards book writing since writing on Twitter back in 2013, and maybe my style of writing is not preferred by others, if anything they are my trade secrets, my intel, my perspective, and my outlook, and its not for anyone to sue me, like Im outing any system of belief that only works for a few, or wont work correctly if this group is supported, or how they are supported, and the manner in which others show their support, that’s not what support is about, and if its coming down to insult, then that’s about who is who, and who is where, and what things are about, so if you aren’t aware of everyones reservations yet, and everyone who knows eachother, apart from, that’s also not my responsibility to appear as though Im not taking into consideration their best interests either. 

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