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Hello Love …

Falling in love isn’t easy … not with an idea, a person, a time period … the better able you are at embracing yourself during all those moments of doubt the closer you get to realizing a few lesser known feelings that encompass the feeling of love and all the blessings that it brings, it’s an empowering feeling to be able to love, give thanks, show your appreciation for others, and explore all those parts of you bottled up just waiting to show face. To me that’s love. I just watched the movie Julia, and started to tear up during part of the movie, I can totally relate to wanting to get out there explore the world and take a change of course career wise, what made me tear up was the love story! As someone who growing up was not always the prettiest, but popular, struggled with my weight, and still do, dating was never a part of my story not in high school and only until college, I’ve had three major boyfriends who have met my family, or maybe four, that’s not the important part, what’s important is being capable of taking care of another person and yourself that’s a quality you never want to lose in yourself, no matter where you are in life. I recently tried exploring options on bumble and Facebook dating, it started out as networking on bumble BFF to make friends, and of course was curious to see who else is single in my area looking to date, I don’t think I’m completely ready, and was getting pretty comfortable in fantasy fawning over my new crush! (#toddspitzer) So it’s not a complete loss if I back out of the whole dating pool but it’s good to know that I get picked! Who knew. I suppose dating is for when you’re able to take chances, maybe even with your health, and right now I don’t think I can afford all of that, I ended up getting the flu and was sick for two weeks so only went on one date which wasn’t a match. Sex is a big deal! So don’t force yourself into any relationships you’re not ready for, and sadly doesn’t always require love, just people interested in making one another feel good which if you’re not careful about can wind up turning into something worse, hopefully not, not feeling good about yourself, another thing about dating I’m not completely ready for yet. I went on two dates 2019, and four dates 2020, and that’s all, and no long term boyfriend, it’s a hard topic for most. You would expect more sparks to fly but it’s just hard to keep things going if you’re not in a good place in life, job wise, career wise, academically, financially, depending where you live, weight wise. There are so many things you need to have in place just to get out the door dating and put yourself out there, almost there but not quite yet. I think spiritually, mature wise, thinking wise, confidence wise I’m in a better place but I don’t think that makes me ready for sex, I can handle conversations well, I’m no longer intimidated by others, and I don’t feel heartbroken if it doesn’t work out or if they become disinterested, that doesn’t mean that I think I can do better it just means that I don’t feel either is at a loss of it doesn’t fall through I know I’m an exciting person, very loving, presentable, caring, compassionate, supportive, and thoughtful so when the time comes for my support to mean something special to someone I’m sure they will come to love and appreciate me and recognize my value as a person which I don’t think that someone new into your life values you in the same way as someone who knows you or knows of you based on who you grew up with. There’s a certain respect that follows if people know people in common, it’s not that they step back from you, but they’re likely not to be offended if you’re not into them on top of them which is the feeling I’m getting about dating nowadays, a lot of need, not much connection, and that’s not someone I’m interested in dating who’s misunderstanding my condition which seems to be the pattern people taking personally that I don’t text, or disappear, or not feeling well that doesn’t make any sense to me. Why do things always have to be about them why are people not understanding of your time and energy why do people expect for you to be energetic toward them or try hard at them I don’t think you have to be that way toward someone for them to know whether it’s a match and if they expect that at the get go then they’re not giving you enough time to warm up to them to make conversation.

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