If there is one thing I have learned this year, is to practice self-compassion. How you feel about yourself matters. So start there. Before picking yourself apart, think about what you have to offer the world, why you want to be here, and have some things to look forward to. When you have goals in mind, then what you do toward fulfilling those goals will be reflected in what you do and say and ultimately affects how you feel. That’s your self-esteem, all those things about you that keeps you motivated, and caring what others think, is not such a bad thing after all. Feeling accepted by others, is the ultimate peace, it’s when you no longer fear what others think about you, and able to be in the moment, whether that’s writing or speaking. It can be so nerve wracking when you are constantly worrying what others think and feel about you. So feel good about yourself, it’s easy to tell looking back, to recognize a mood or something you’ve said that doesn’t sound quite right, after a few days, but maybe in the moment not so obvious. It happens to the best of us, when you get stuck on trying to explain a feeling, make sure that you explain fully what it is you are talking about, and how those feelings relate to you in your life in this moment, examples help. Otherwise you wind up losing your audience in details where if they are not sure what things are about, are bound to get lost in words. There’s a constant theme of “respect” that gets discussed when it comes to self-esteem? What does this mean to you? Its hard to be assertive and get what you want in life if you are constantly a doormat to the feelings of others, don’t be shy, its okay to speak up and set boundaries, and no it’s not always okay at your expense to be made fun of, we all try hard for the right reasons in life, I think that too often we judge humor as obnoxious and its not that. Its okay to have a sense of humor, just know who your audience is. Another theme discussed in cdss.ca.gov is “pride.”  Really being in the moment to me means feeling good about what you are doing, and in turn that gives you energy and motivation. That includes being sure of yourself. We are told that when we “believe” in ourselves, it then feels good to get through those difficult times, but had we not believed in ourselves, things may have turned out differently. Such as giving up, or failing, or not being consistent in following through with our goals in life. All you have to do to improve is to accept where you are and go from there, you can’t take back what has been done or said, all you can do is make the changes you need to make in your life now, to end up where you want to be in life, whether that’s for work, friendship, or relationships. We all go through ups and downs and changes in life, you are not the only one who is struggling to put their lives back together, I have struggled myself for years.
I think when things start to come together for you in life, its because of what you are doing with your life, opens you up to being comfortable to talk to others, or to be close with people again. Had you not confronted what was bothering you, you would still be alone, think of it that way, the first step to overcoming loneliness would be to confront your weaknesses, demons, and your fears.
Its hard to be close to others when things aren’t making sense to us, in our heads, or how we go about living our lives. Have some order to your disorder, and don’t make others apart of your problems in life, best to keep your issues separate from others, that’s being fearless in the face of adversity. It means you don’t spread hurt and discomfort, trying to convince others of your discomfort, instead you fix it and tell others how you have fixed that discomfort. I think discomfort occurs when there is something about you that doesn’t make sense, or when someone feels like you are stepping on their toes about how they want to think about things, and life can be that way sometimes. We can’t predict the future. So while there is sometimes comfort in the predictable, you have to learn to accept people for their changes in life, and personal growth. We don’t always have to fail in the face of challenges in life, hopefully we get stronger so that we no longer feel challenged by specific feelings, people, or circumstances.
When expectations are high its hard for me to perform in that space, such as when my IMDb rank is high or goes up, its like a card of acceptance has been issued to you, not to be abused by you. For some reason things feel very intense at that point in time, or tired after having shared a lot, and then it feels like taking a break. I have yet to explore what it means to shine or excel when everyone is watching, it just doesn’t feel right to me, to do more, usually I wind up doing less, and backing off. Expectations can work to support you or work against you in life, depending on what those expectation are, if more is wanted you will feel drained trying to fill that void for acceptance from others, if the expectations are low, you can feel drained by a lack of response from others or your surroundings for reassurances or affirmation.
Usually what keeps you going in those moments when you are not sure of yourself, is your internal drive, which is based on how you manage your energy, not burning out due to expectations in life, and maintaining a careful balance of fulfilling those expectations in quality, and acceptance, and each time is different. You either push yourself and are yourself, and consistently share and maintain some rhythm, or you fall apart failing to keep up with a system that is working for you. So come up with a system that works and stick to it as best you can, even if you don’t have the endurance to keep up with all the imagined response (voices) things wont get better until things are better with you, and that’s how psychosis works as a writer. It’s understandable to be drained tired from writing, and its okay to feel pain, I go through some phases with advil. Its that expectation, it’s a stress that gets placed on your heart, that then become unstable waiting for a response that never comes, that’s blogging. Unless you are managing analytics, which is highly recommended, you wont know when and why to stop, or what pace to go at, and if you cant go by your own feelings and sensations, then it helps to get that feedback on IMDb, to then take a step back myself and assess where I am, how Im feeling, and if I have the time and energy, review, and improve upon what I have produced, and pave way for more acceptances and even energy to be had on subjects that I discuss, without causing waves or voices, chances are if its causing me voices, then its not something that Im comfortable talking about, means not to share, and that’s why some posts get removed, because I physically can’t tolerate all the stress of exposure.
So be yourself, follow your instincts, and go by your audience! If there is anything that I have learned, it will be by the positive feedback that you get in life, that leaves that space for comfort to keep moving forward, its with permissions in life, that you feel accepted and that in turn gives you the ability to keep growing as a writer, photographer, or as a person in life. Its when doors are shut, and rejections occur in the form of the silent treatment, either you go into distress and become uncomfortable by the responses of others, or you continue to be yourself, and not become maladjusted due to rejections in life, become a smaller person stuck in a box in life, immobile. You have to get going again, and sometimes the only way to grow in a new space such as being online, is through acceptances from others and credits, thats what gives you the formula and boundaries from which to move forward in life.
Everyone new will always be on eggshells about you, either they expect it to be worse than it is, or they have stress about how you got here assuming theres more in discussion than what its about. I guarantee you, if its something shocking, its nothing that I endured or would expect someone to read and not endure too. Therefore if its something that I have endured thats traumatizing, chances are through discussion is for the purposes of therapy and moving forward from those feelings and processing what I went through mentally in conquering that issue, or those series of circumstances and physical and mental reactions occurring as a result of those stresses in life.
“You are perfect just the way you are to me” means, there is no time wasted in working on yourself.
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