Planting Good Seeds …

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Had I not blogged for two years consistently beginning 2019, I would not be in a place now, where I feel comfortable writing online and publishing. It takes a lot of experience to get comfortable with your content, knowing your moods, and the ins and outs of achieving balance with what you have to say. In the beginning there were periods where I had a lot of “removed posts,” which included anything argumentative, or too specific. There’s getting into it in an intelligent way, and there is getting into it in a way that pushes people away, or makes them see you as emotional in an uncomfortable way, misunderstood. Planting good seeds to me means saying things that sit well, and being a person who you would want to meet and hear from, and making sure that what you have to say, works out for you just as well as it works out for someone else in their mind thinking about life and/or others. Its always best to stay on the safe side, to not only explain your side, but be open to what others have to say too. Im the type of person who will argue for in the best interests of another explain for them in a positive way, to my own expense, not be empathized with, and that’s just how I am. Im not someone to speak badly of others. Im usually focused on myself, not focusing too much on what others are doing or saying. When it becomes about that, ruminating over things that people have said, you know youre in for loop. I don’t think that people purposefully try to inflict pain and suffering upon you by saying things that don’t make sense to you, I think they are just saying what makes sense to them, and reading into it. If the more you read into it, the less you get, well then that’s just a common headache over misunderstanding. Upset, the more you get offended by the more likely a fight will occur, either between you and others, or within yourself. That feeling of frustration is the disconnect between what you feel and what you get in life, and if what you get in life doesn’t match with what you feel, then that can be an incredibly frustrating feeling, to not feel good, when you are being good, or to not feel good, when someone else is not happy with you. Mostly people are trying to test to see what you respond to in life, what scares you, what affirms what they think, to see where your head is at, do you get upset, are you being genuine, defensive, territorial, fake, real. A lot of life is about having a sense of depth to you, how much can you handle in life, and what are your breaking points. People who attack your depth in life, want more from you, and sometimes people don’t recognize the fact that youre tired, or need time to think, or are resting. Writing is one of those things, you have to be feeling like writing, and want to write, to write well, and sometimes that takes a few hours, if not a day or two, to get back into a place where you feel like writing, when the ghost is clear. When the ghost is clear means, that youre not getting voices that are overpowering what you are thinking or feeling, and you can feel your own words come through you, not being directed or misdirected by voices, and fall off beat to negativity. I’ve always thought that you are what you say, like something you walk through in life, your words, exactly as you say, is exactly how you wind up feeling later or what comes to mind in assessing what you have said recently or how you feel, life works in that way, things carry over, feelings carry over, and memories carry over, and what repeats, is either you being consistent with what you think or feel, or sticking to some guidelines for how you think, react, and respond. What is you, your words. So if you want to make yourself better, then better your words, and your outlook in life, even if the words of others don’t make sense, or are throwing you off, or affecting you. To regain your power, you have to pause, reacting to hurt, only brings out the worst in you, in a disorganized way trying to express and describe how you have been hurt, puts you out of your professional and confident tone, and puts you in a tone where you sound not sure of yourself, slow, and frozen. That’s what hurt does to you, you don’t get that as a matter of fact sharpness, in responding to whats been hurtful to go through, so don’t expect that someone who is innocent who has been hurt will sound like they’re in the right, or in an upright position, calling the shots in detail, of whats going wrong in terms of whos being mean to them, or aside from them, otherwise. Planting good seeds means that no matter what has gone wrong, you come out on the otherside, a better person in the long run, no matter how much pain or misunderstanding you endure, maybe you have lost supporters along the way, who feel like they were owed a more well condition than you were able to demonstrate, that’s the past, will not recognize you as you are later when you get well, or overcome a state when you were not on point, or struggling. Everyone expects differently of you. Depending on where you are in life, or what you have gone through. Permissions for disrespect work more vigorously against you, than any permissions for respect can undue that harm to your reputation. Permissions for disrespect make others feel like they are in the right, above you, seeing you as less than. 

Well I can tell you this much, if you were in my shoes, would you have been able to live the last 10 years as well as I have been able to live life, and would you have built blog and tried to help others, why or why not? Planting good seeds, means is what you are doing now with your life, going to be something later that you will be proud of, and to go through life living that way, rather than be experimental and take chances in life, the more stable you are in your decision making and careful the better off you will be, hurt less by the past, and more hopeful for your future, but that takes practice. I think when there is any number of situations testing you for permissions to disrespect you, they are testing you on their on their fundamentals of life, and trying to put you down in a way that is opposite to what is characteristic of you, to make you seem like you are something different than what you write and what you look like, and that’s not okay to do to a person. I sound exactly as a I look, I write exactly as I feel, Im not scared to show my face, to video, or to face reality, or a person, or to talk to a Judge, or the Police, or Courts, I am myself. So when there is a situation where someone is trying to hurt you so you don’t look and sound like yourself, that’s because they think they are you, and trying to play victim, and cast you as offender, as though they are normal absent you, and treat you as though your diagnosis affects them. Its my body, and my meds, and in my body, and by my meds, this is how I sound. Its not my job to fix other people, and its not my job to read other people, and its not my job to cause harm to others. When I am not doing well I am clear about it, and that’s as professional as I can be about my limitations in helping others. Im not an attorney, Im not a therapist, or a psychiatrist, I got ¾ a JD, an MSL (which is an LLM), and eligible for a PhD in Law. That’s my specialty, not psychotherapy beyond my own experiences in life, so what do you expect? Writing quotes is advice I would like to hear, what would help me to hear, and in the event that I get through something, what sums up how I feel about life, to me that’s self-help, and in writing solutions for my issues, I hope that helps others get through theirs, or come up with a system that works for them, to get through their own problems in life. 

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