What Works …

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The same ideas don’t work for everyone, and when it comes to love theres a fine line between being there for other during a time of need, and not becoming reliant on people for mental health needs, which are better for discussion with a therapist, I think my time talking with Todd Spitzer have served the function to disclose where my head is at, what Ive been through, what Im thinking, what I recognize, whats of issue presently, and then trying to move forward, upon doing well people will want to be in your life, people may come back into your life, that doesn’t mean that you are ready for love, and if recovery is the issue, that’s so things don’t not work out again for you in the same way, when it becomes about you feeling rejected because you are not stable, or them feeling rejected because you are not present and able to love, that’s addiction, its like a mental health issue that comes goes along with your personality and all your progress, it can be triggered by poor thinking, it can be triggered by a fight, it can be triggered by an event that’s hard to comprehend or may affect you depending on what youre cares are, and then there is silence and peace a time to work things out on your own, maybe not to involve others depending on whether you have a problem, or someone has a problem with you that’s generally nothing you discuss with others unless it has something to do with something that matters to them, and that’s a good time to disclose to people who may be working above you, and then there are also bystanders to your issues, to be reassuring that what youre going though has nothing to do with them, or make sure that your condition does not affect others, I don’t agree with how things look, I think by terms that causes you to be be treated differently, medical records, job placement, work performance, hospitalization, or dating, and then there are emails, which no one seems to be a fan of, maybe talking in private is not in my best interest, it doesn’t seem to help to be treated as someone who is not speaking well, provoked or degraded online, to see whether I get sick, I did get sick I have schizophrenia now and have to take Invega shots, the voices have went away, but if I don’t keep a schedule and stay on point then like most things things fall apart, and maybe that’s addiction talking to people in private or being experimental through video, blog, singing, recordings, and then there is sickness and that’s when the fun stops and usually the fighting begins, its either your condition or their condition and then there is blame, that’s the basics to a fight so what does backing off entail, its not that you are trained to be educated to know that when you are not feeling well, theres a chance for blame, but its also to prevent a later condition of consistent abuse with your condition in which you are made to feel aggravated upon being questioned or made to feel like you are being a certain way toward someone that is not well, and I think that’s the problem with having mental health issues, it becomes personal, and combative, and then there is fighting, and argument, and maybe some people are just not meant to be together, past the point of fighting, I don’t think that I have been able to stay in any relationship, exactly what are you waiting for when things are not working out, and maybe its then that it is best for each person to do well separately, and that’s why people separate, because of fighting, that makes sense, maybe not recognized on a boyfriend/girlfriend level, but never has anything ever been about outside pressure, and that occurs when you are made to look bad, that makes you sick, and that makes everyone upset with you, tured off by you, and then you become the course of blame for whats not working out around you, or to people close to you, that’s how someone with mental health issues, is used as a scapegoat for excuse or experiment with your health to justify or explain any failing conditions, not including your own. And that’s just too much to handle, and that’s too much expectation, and that’s too much to be presented with and not being told specifically what it is that is not liked about you, or assumed to be going wrong with your decision making, and I don’t think that talking to people is wrong, I think that exposing of oneself and the sharing of exposures is wrong online, if its to make you look bad, make others feel uncomfortable, or to serve as excuse or reminder for a condition that you deserve sickness, which is not fair, not to keep anyone well, or to make a point to actually cause me harm, or to then blame me in the event that Im not well, like that previous interaction foul is not affecting my ability to move forward and be present its all fun and games until someone quits or gives up, experiences dysfunction, disability and that’s not “delusional” that’s mental illness and disability caused by “insult” and the insult is used to hurt you, so that your mind does not work, so that you feel physical illness, and when you feel physical illness, you stomach hurts, your head burns, your throat burns, you feel sick, its worse than witch craft to allow anyone who is not on your team in life to play god in terms of what is thought of you or expected of you, it creates a team of people who go by who feels well about what one another is doing to the other and thinking that stepping away and portraying things as though Im exposing myself for sex in private is how I go about talking to people to misrepresent who I am as a loving person, you know if its not my love you need or want or feel offended by then don’t get close to me, don’t be loving toward me, and then don’t complain in the event that I don’t feel well I have justified things to worry about, I have a full plate, I have huge responsibilities, I have risk to my health, career, my freedoms are put in jeopardy, this is beyond reputation which for someone who is not famous is judged as thinking they are important as “excuse” or “delusion” for not feeling well, so that someone who is hurting me is not blamed, to say that “schizophrenia” is not caused or something wrong in me, you know maybe people are able to function and work and have normal lives apart from talking to me, they are also not connected to OJ, they did not go to law school, burnt out, graduate, go through two major breakups, have a few failed dating relationships, go through living alone, to not being able to afford to live alone, they have not overcome addiction, or being made to feel suicidal in addiction, before any schizophrenia, they were not treated as combative due to people being combative toward them or standing up for themselves, and this is what its like when you are not allowed to be emotional, but everyone else is allowed to be emotional, and its you that has an important identity and role in life, and its not okay to treat me like Im below others or that Im not important myself, or that Im supposed to take a back seat or learn from someone who does not have my life or let them dictate to others what I am like, what the issues are barely knowing me, and then try to say that they understand mental health issues without being disabled or having been hospitalized such as I have, that’s not a vacation, that’s not a celebration, that takes 6 months to recover form self-harm that’s being made to feel suicidal, either hitting my head, and having symptoms that are so painful and unbearable that I give up recovering and getting back to normal, and if you are bullied that doesn’t make things better, so this sudden wellness, is not just about you not engaging with people in that way who treat you like you are not allowed to feel good, look good, or treat you as addict, that’s just a situation that’s waiting for observation to say there is something noticeably wrong with you, and nothing wrong with them, and sometimes people who misunderstand you, will hurt you, then say that they are victim to your instability lack of achievement or problems in life and you will never know what a hard life is like until your life becomes hard and cannot be fixed and when there are things that cannot be changed, or cannot be forgiven, and that’s people giving up on you, because you are a certain way or they think that you are the cause of hardship being supported letting others down, and that’s not what I wanted to happen in my life, being made to model, to lose all support and create disappointment, that’s more than embarrassment that’s ruining my life, and there is no situation in which a person deserves to be treated like their life is joke and can recover from everyone seeing them naked and false representation of who I am or what I am like not wanting to be shown to people Im not romantically attracted to or who know me, that’s not okay, that causes mental illness, that’s more than defamation that’s trying to cause mental illness, so that who is watching unaffected can control the voices that are occurring around a group of people or to me, so that that group can play god, and that’s when things go wrong, when you blame who is sick and in avoidance of blame hurt them, then when the power is in who is trying to designate a group as mentally ill, then does not feel like they have the power over what is going well, that’s when you hurt someone who was not causing illness, then who was given power cannot fix when things go wrong or when someone gets sick, that’s when a problem gets placed within a person, such as myself or an elderly, who is not responsible for controlling whats going on around them, or for someone trying to play god and cause sickness to me like that’s the solution for their medical formula in designating blame, its not people that make me sick, its people treating me like I make them sick is the problem about where sickness is coming from, so start thinking about where wellness comes from, before you start eliminating people from the team because you think that wellness can thrive with people not doing well, punished, injured, made to feel not confident, mentally ill, or punish them for not being strong, or disabled, with expectation that someone who you treat as mentally ill is supposed to protect someone who is being mean to me, or hurt me like my condition of speaking does not accurately present things in a way that all sides are presented well enough that an educated thinker is not interested in an angered way, which is the problem with people who punish me, its me getting sick then blaming me for being sick, then thinking that Im blaming others for being sick, and its this constant formula that seems to be imprinted in peoples minds about what keeps people well, that the sick cannot explain things well enough or in time, without having to push ourselves beyond our means, just to explain something to calm a group of well people down, from injuring or continuing to beat down someone who is not making any team not weak, or claiming to be on a team that is not keeping others strong. Make things about something others than using a person as an excuse to support any theory that goes by this strategy to mark me out as someone to hurt or ignore, like anything bad is coming from me, or my thinking or writing, feeling, predication, worry, actions, or words. Take it to court. Don’t hurt me in public as a public demonstration of how any woman should be treated no one intends for things to go sour, or not work out, that occurs on its own, and people are human beings and the human body reacts and underperforms, or performs, and some do well around others and some get sick, some can have sex, some cant, some are smart, some struggle, some mature, some or immature, some have problems, some grow past problems, but that’s no excuse to keep beating up the same person me expecting answers to a mistreatment of me though deserved because they think there is something sick coming from me. That’s not how you treat a human being, and that’s not appropriate to play god and to cause sickness, as though in the reverse if I do well, or given a job or expected to speak responsibility or take on a leadership role, and saying anything that isn’t intended to protect anyone from harmful thinking or to declare an unwilling participant to a representation of any idea that does not foster my good health, or is intended to cause sickness or lack of respect to anyone who is responsible for taking care of the health of others, including my own. There are people to pay to love you to be sexual with you and that’s an unreasonable standard to hold me to to perform to and then beat me up in public like I don’t do my best to be loving when called upon in the privacy of my phone or in my personal life, make public a charade over who is better at living life than who, by who has what, or who looks like, what or what things are about then say sickness came from me, or obesity, or face dysmorphia, or schizophrenia which are voices caused to me, by who is trying to play god and wanting things to work out for them in their mind, in which they see me as less than or mentally ill and that’s not a condition that I am willing to subject myself myself to giving up or staying home or be on social security disability if I can recover and then eventually work again, Im not in a rush, but time matters, because people cannot take care of me, when more and more pressure is added, or more disability, for each person who meets me and is displeased with me on the basis of whether or not they feel good and then think its me that is the reason why they don’t feel good or not contributing to protection of them or soliciting for bad luck to me or anyone I know why would I ever improve having been through tremendous physical disability (mental illness) then try to focus on whats in error with others, when you get sick you just want to get well, and when you get well you don’t have the time and energy to fight with people, over why you got sick, since when is that an issue about who is causing what to whom? #stopsuicide #worldpeace

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