When it comes to feeling good, no matter how it occurs, you must be doing something well, either mentally or physically, not worried about outside pressures, in your own skin, being yourself, and able, competent. That’s feeling good in my mind. It’s when nothing bothers you and you can exist, without interference from other people or thoughts, in your zone of focus. 

I think it’s easy to be misunderstood coming from a background of mental health issues, and hospitalizations, you won’t always be well received. It’s as though people feel good by your instability in life, or what they can recognize as being wrong with you. Imagine if in the reverse they were being watched as though they were stupid or defective, how would that feel to them, beyond a mere obsession with play therpy, in constant condemnation of people for who they are or where they have been in life, that was not my choice, but the choice of someone to situate me in life, in a place so far down, that I would never return, as though I was forced into not feeling good about myself, gained 50lbs, is that to make me think about not existing, by making me not exist to the rest of the world, and become an uncomfortable subject. 

Everyone is capable of not being clear headed, it’s the exact form of racism to get you to conditionally believe that you are inferior to others and to force self into acceptance of not feeling good by others, who often times in the reverse feel good about not being you, seeing you as worse of, or not one among many, trying to do their best and be accepted as they are. I don’t think that becoming more popular online makes you immune to any treatments in life, you still have to be just as careful, courteous, and well spoken, to make it through most of life, and keep your head high. To me not being clear headed means that Im insulted, or aggravated, or not made to feel good for reasons I don’t know, to make me look at people, or to pay attention to things until my head hurts, as though people are gleefully mesmerized by one another except me, as though the point of feeling good, is until one does not feel good, to me that’s racism, or exclusion, it’s until you can bring yourself to be recognized as you are without the lens of viewing you as disadvantaged or suffering for who you are or where you come from.

There’s a certain down feeling that occurs when people don’t feel good by each other, not one co-pilot to the dream, no one is up, sophisticated and free of admonishment, there will be periods of vulnerability, when the innocence is brought out in others, and that’s your time to forgive, to recognize the humanity in others, not to complain of what has been, or how things felt, if you have been brought to a better condition of being in life, then that must mean you are doing something right, absent minded what has gone wrong, or how you were made to feel by what has been done wrong to you in life. People will always think they know better, standing outside of you, not recognizing the power you have to stay well, to improve, to be known in the positive and to help others, it seems the further down you put someone who is able, the more able others feel, and that’s not just free clarity, that’s a risk for reverse racism, feeling clouded or stupid by, sometimes shifts in perspective can help, one lesson taught in an article by bbc.com “insights [can] help all of us – whatever our intelligence – to be a little less stupid.” [1]

How is overly staying connected stupid, I think it can lead to becoming oversaturated with confusing thoughts, imagine reading a book in bits and pieces, but not just one book many, and then trying to get a picture of what is, you could be led by any number of perspectives, and in the end left with your own, a bad feeling, when are we most confident? We are most confident when we have a sense of direction of our own, hence the self-righteousness of those who refuse to be brought down by others in life, and hence the inspiration to condemn people, to which way they think is paved for success, it can work against you in life. You will only feel as good, as you are able to achieve clearings in life to feel good, and in those spaces corrupted by disbelief and moods, how do you present and create a place of peace in which to stride, are you someone who is brought down by others, or are you someone who creates a space of peace? 

When you are made to feel bad by the feelings of others, that doesn’t mean that you have done them wrong purposefully, most of us are just trying to protect our own sanity, and sometimes in the defensive, people can be insulting and hurtful, even if it’s not deserved, I guess perhaps they think by taking a look around, that must mean that Im being made fun or someone secretly famous who is blamed for things, and then hostile toward me as though I have any expectation of them to pretend like things are okay for me with disability. I had a normal and quiet life, I think with disability this makes things more difficult for me to feel good by others.

Today about a few hours ago, I messaged Britney Spears, who I have checked on in the past to make sure that she was okay, I know that she is going through a difficult time and would never compare my struggles in life to her own. But she participated! In Yellow, and Im so glad, the fact that I defined Yellow featured by another Country must say something, looking for outside support as though Im not supported within, never it is always fun and lively around me and playful, I don’t think Im anyone who brings a dark cloud around me to any environment. Im now someone who others look forward to seeing for improvement, that’s the benefit of getting really sick and hitting a very low bottom in life mentally, spiritually, and physically, and diagnosed as “schizophrenic” it’s a place they convince you that you will never come back from, that is permanent, and that you are “delusioned” and will have disability for the rest of your life, and need to be taken care of in life, maybe the pain is permanent, but I don’t have to go by what others say, and even if it’s not medicine, I would trust regular people more than any doctor convincing me that anything is permanent or there is no going back from. I think I built a successful blog, and I don’t think that I deserved to be punished, in the enthusiasm to build a blog, seems like the pattern continues, others done with me before I blossom, and so the public humiliation and condemnation begins, I don’t know what’s in them to come down so hard on me? Britney is loved, I on the other hand am not comfortable being that way in public, it is something that Im working on, I have never dressed in tight clothes my entire life, that is a side of me that I have only shown to men I have been intimate with in life. So there is nothing fake or false about me, everything I have said is 100% true, only now I am not as strong, more easily broken, knocked off center, lose my head, unable to type, mentally slow, and not able to speak, and I think that’s a pain to my head caused, not by looking at, but by others looking in.

Reference:

[1] https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20150422-how-not-to-be-stupid