Ungrateful and Entitled …

Growing up privileged is not a full proof plan for success, like each one of us, its what we make due with the resources we are given in life. My Mom moved out when I was 5, and grew up without a Mom in my house, and sometimes stayed at her house. I saw my Father everyday reading the paper and drinking his coffee on my way out to school everyday, and will never forget the day that I saw my Father crying watching the mini TV when 9/11 happened. And Im sure like most of you have had similar feelings when we all feel at a loss.

I have always been there for my Parents, close to both of them, and comfortable talking to them about just about anything, they have never not been there for me. They even allowed me to blog, so long as I got a job in addition to blogging, and recommended to blog after work, and that it was still something I could do. But when someone hurt me online and exposed me, it then became the plan to get a job in law and be paid, seeing that it was difficult for me to blog when I was not feeling well and under attack by emails and texts I responded to and eventually stopped responding to at times. I have never not been there for others, I am always there for my friends, except when Im not feeling well, and that’s something I cannot fix how I got bipolar or schizophrenia and for what reasons, to cope I would just run everyday, and eventually the voices would stop, the 911 calls would stop, and I could be alone in my body, without fear of what others were saying, and no matter how devastating any breakup without comment felt.

The goal is to keep going in life. Being someone who was able, then disabled, and having difficulty finding a job, blogging seemed like the solution for me, it was therapeutic to write a book that I was proud of with an editing team that I never published and think that I have improved as a writer since then, and also assembled a book of all my writings online in a book with a graph paper cover, one of few selections on lulu.com, which felt good, to make a book bound and with book pages that I could flip through, that made me proud. Blue was the original cover but thought that that would mean Facebook, so picked another building theme one.

To assemble anything worth while you have to be feeling good about what you are doing in life, and permissions are the way to go, fill out every form, make all the calls, send emails, talk to your attorney, talk to your therapist, and talk to your psychiatrist, pen pals were approved, and so has blogging, unless its “social media” told to consider taking a break, Im assuming if its about what others think of you, the constant contact with negativity can be detrimental to your health, so if you haven’t reached a period yet of being hyper-sensitive to others, then by all means check out whats online, and get a grasp on the trends and themes, stay in tune, anything is better than the news, you can’t even watch the news in dual diagnosis treatment/rehab. That’s where I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, because of what I disclosed about who I am, who was harassing me, what my problems were or not having a job, trouble functioning. I originally went to UCLA and sat in the waiting room waiting for a bed, but they had none.

Im not someone who is ungrateful and entitled, not because of who I was Sydney Simpson’s best friend, or where I went to school Windward, I was popular without trying, and hospitable to others, makes sense why I would invite everyone over to my blog, its not something I don’t have experience with in life, entertaining others at my home, that comes naturally to me. When I think of ungrateful and entitled I think of those who are wealthy and complain, or unhappy and express unhappiness, and forget about who they are, where they come from, and what to be happy about, it saddens me when people are angry, and picky, and complain a lot, usually people who are successful don’t complain a lot, that’s how they maintain business and have friends and lives and who get along well with others, invited to events, and win awards. Its who is in your trusted circles in life, who are usually the ones in the news boasting over treatments, considering themselves disadvantaged to the success you have aquired on your own, not recognizing themselves as similarly privileged to be let in their lives to begin with, exposed. When you are exposed to a good life, you know how to be, then there are others who are not loved, have trouble being accepted for who they are, and wind up homeless. If you don’t want to be homeless you need friends, ANYONE, and if you don’t want to be left on the street, then value yourself and others, by behaving in a way that others approve of, those were my fears, as odd as that sounds, if you are not doing well for yourself and others, then don’t bring the sickness home or to others, that’s the stuff that people freak about about, not feeling good and the last thing you need as someone who struggles with mental health issues is to be blamed for the health of others, so stay well, and I would run everyday, lost weight on meds. Accept the space of others, either accept when you are well or not well, in the real world there is no such thing as constant contact and texting, no one really gets assisted living in life if youre not old and have the credentials to be worked for, otherwise don’t expect the movement to work for you so to speak, if you work for the movement, you will feel the movement working for you. Don’t be someone who expects people to do something for them, you’ll likely be rejected or considered a turn off, its about what you have to offer the world is what makes you valuable, easy to hear from, and seem an intelligent contribution and opinion to the lives of others, not while speaking negatively of others or complaining about what you do or don’t have in life, that’s not how you garner success and notoriety, again it’s the feeling you give off in the world is what attracts people to you, not who you know, its by what you have to say, that makes you reliable, be appreciative, you can read along with everyone rise who’s benefited from my work. The issue then must be a closeness or a love feeling, and that’s by mood sometimes you feel the love, and you feel the appreciation for the work of others, or you are focused on minute details in life, that don’t make you appreciative of all the improvements & individual conditions.

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