I haven’t been feeling well since the end of January, it felt like my life came crashing down on me, besides what occurred during my first paid job in law, things are starting to get better for everyone, and because we are handling a lighter load at this point, after a rough year, I’m feeling like making some changes in my life. None of those changes ever means that I’m going to change what I’m okay with and my team spirit in terms of World Peace, and fighting for acceptance of people with mental health issues, and diagnoses that are not in their control to discern, me being one of them. Who wants to be judged anyways and face stigma, what can go right for you in life, with a poor self image, seems like an unnecessary handicap. In the meantime I cut back on writing, one my website is slow and hasn’t been working not on any theme, or by any plugins, or by anything manually done to improve my robot.txt, CSS, jetpack, image loading time, or crawling, doesn’t seem like anything that I can do manually, so hiring a website specialist for $400, it will be worth it, how embarrassing while applying for a Shorty Award not to mention the shared Ahrefs rank, I was considering making a third website and starting all over and make all new content, it seems futile to continue to work and put value into a website that doesn’t work or has been mismanaged by a hacker, it doesn’t make me feel good, it’s frustrating, and time consuming, and wasting my time. I simply don’t have the energy to fight with hackers, this is why I am going to be taken off anti-psychotics, I don’t have the stamina to work and be a writer and live life, and micro-manage all these crisis on the meds that I’m prescribed, it makes me max out quick, burn out, get tired, be loopy, memory loss, I have difficulty staying motivated, it’s hard for me to exercise and to walk everyday, and overall my quality of life staying in bed all day, is really getting lame and tiresome and I don’t think that I deserve to live this way. I think as a blogger I have clear thoughts, Im organized, Im determined, Im loving, Im careful, Im thoughtful, Im not combative, I explain things well, I don’t make a big deal of things, I don’t fight with others, I have a good sense of humor, I don’t make people feel bad or jealous, Im not competitive, I don’t review other people’s work, I stopped reading books, I stopped studying life coaching, I think Im doing my best to stay in my realm without causing waves to anyone elses idea of life and stability, and this is why I can keep going, all considerations aware of, make no ones misery or hardship guidance to anything to be humored or coded by, these are real events, and if you don’t want things to happen again, then this is why Im blogging, because things work out for me, what I predict and think of Im able to arrive to, and that’s the first step in recovery from fear anxiety and mental illness, what are you starting with, where are you going to end up, and what is in your control to carry you through the dilemmas of your thinking or feelings, something that means you’ll be okay, something that means that someone else has been there or going through it too, someone who illustrates all spectrums and stages of mental health issues or recovery, and is able to succeed anyways, that’s me. I’m not someone who is going to use on you, Im not someone who is going to get drunk on you, I am not someone who is going to be sexual towards you, I am not someone who is going to try to be close to you, I am not someone who is trying to make friends with people, I am not someone who is a chummy know it all, I am not someone who is obnoxious to the discomfort of others, and I am not someone who isn’t educated enough to solve their own problems in life, no matter how funny or stupid things seem to an onlooker comparing billionaires to me Leslie Fischman, from the same story, The Simpson Case. No one is letting anyone down, I did my part in trauma and I will continue to do my part, I was the first to show up to US Supreme Court, the first to walk the halls of the Senate and sign books and introduce myself and contact Rand Paul, I was the first to correspond with the Government and try to get help for everyone, and I have 10 years experience of not being connected to any crime or shooting, that’s how disciplined and prepared I am, there is nothing that I haven’t done to allow for any shooting to occur, or by any code existing or thereafter made in spite of attack. I don’t take life as a code joke, I take life seriously, my company was submitted and approved by Fast Company which is located in the World Trade Center, if I didn’t belong in that building as a company, then I wouldn’t be allowed in the building, therefore nothing that I have done or am doing, is not in alignment to the goals for progress that these institutions promote for, things getting better, people working together, seeing beyond the issues, not taking things personally, representing one another well. No one is using any names for notoriety, this was a real movement with real people and real success and I always felt like I was apart of those who had a positive vision for whats to come, contrary to any diagnosis I have received judging me as a late comer or too late, whatever lesson is trying to be taught by punishing me, it simply doesn’t see me as someone who took the initiative to get conversations going and contact who are the best and brightest in the industry and law, who have an interest in our ability to shine again, and be absent any fears in life.

I am realizing at 37 that it is not helpful to me to continue to have depression or mental health issues due to medications that inhibit my ability to work and live a normal life, I have suffered long enough doing what I can do to keep busy in the years I have not been able to work, and I’m tired of always acting like nothing is wrong and being so driven, eventually you get tired, especially with technical issues like blogging, and mental health issues or recovery, it’s like people’s disappointment is not deserved not after all the work I have done unpaid without making a big deal of anything in public no one owes me a dime, and I help out of the goodness of my heart, and it’s not my job to explain how to make things better, not if Im being called names and things are better you think absent me then it doesn’t matter what work I have done, I have nothing to prove to anyone who doesn’t believe me has not witnessed my value, or is trying to devalue me based on what my life looks like or who is in my life, you know I can be picky too and reject everyone and not talk to anyone, I don’t have to love everyone and be so nice, but that is my nature, there is no threat to confront other that “the shooters,” and if that’s the threat to be confronted then I will dedicate the next 10 years of my life writing everyday, until incidences are fewer and fewer and don’t occur like the first 10 years of corresponding, running everyday, and writing books, I think if anyone steps up to the plate when everyone is looking around like “are we being attacked” I am someone without hesitations pushes myself 200% percent like Im running a marathon, until no one has to wonder and everyone gets a hang of making things better again, that’s how much I care, and no one has to know about how much I care others than all the people who have known me 10 years plus.