I started getting sober 2006, and for the most part maintained sobriety, and regular attendance at AA meetings beginning 2011. Recovery didn’t start becoming a problem for me until I went back to drinking. Usually in periods when I forgot that I stopped drinking 2006, and didn’t drink for the majority of college and law school. Sometimes you forget who you are and why you are the way you are, and you add on additional activities that you don’t have so much experience with, it’s bound to mess up whatever else was going well for you.

Last week I decided to drink, which was a bad decision and a good decision, maybe just makes me look bad, which frustrates others trust wise. I went out 3 times and drank alone at a local bar, in my age group, and just to be social and be around people. It’s been years since I’ve gone out with friends and been around people drinking, so for me it was a social activity. I didn’t meet anyone and was not being social, but I met all the servers and bouncer, so feel comfortable talking to them. Maybe in the future can go but drink diet coke, if it’s just to be around people. I guess if I go back to AA, then won’t be able to do both, so choose which lifestyle I want to lead.

So far I think I’m better sober, my thoughts are more normal. I’m not having mania and tweeting a bunch of commentary. I’m in control of my thoughts and emotions, I’m not getting upset over anything past or confused about my feelings or thinking, and unable to communicate well. That was a first, usually I’m very comfortable writing online, but after drinking, I didn’t like the way I sounded, I didn’t make sense to myself, I had all these feelings and sensations, and confusion, pain, and head illness, it was a weird experience, so I don’t think that I will drink again, since I had such a weird reaction to drinking, doesn’t seem to work with my system. At least the after drinking “depression,” or down.

I think I was a happy drunk, drank responsibly only 2-3 beers, and was myself around others. I think in the past drinking has caused me to talk to myself, so that was something I was cautious of. I ended up taking a geodone before I went out this last time, and was fine, no giggles or anything. Always be in control. Drinking is one of those things that stories can be made of you, or photos taken that can ruin your reputation and make people think less of you, so as someone who is active on social media and a top blogger, I don’t think it’s a good idea to be under the influence, and be tested in that way for what I sound like or have to say, when I have no control over what I’m feeling and thinking. Based on my experience, of not feeling well and not being able to talk, even to someone I’m dating, was incredibly scary and defeative, and depressing.

You know if you can’t drink without having an emergency, then you probably shouldn’t drink if you have a mental health emergency, or need to call the police, doesn’t sound like that was a good idea, for my stability personally, legally, socially (by selfie), and professionally. I’m waiting to hear back from a job interview, so I need to stay healthy. On a positive note, I was thinking about getting into running and fitness again, took a short break after weight loss. Maybe set a goal to run another half marathon or marathon and get into running again. Need to set healthy goals for myself. I can’t afford to have any problems or take risks, I think this time around nothing bad happened to me, and everything was under control, and nothing erratic or out there happened to me, so I’m glad.