In my most recent episode with bipolar schizophenia which included a two day mani state of writing non stop and turning orange, while detoxing from adderrall and switching to Vyvanse. There’s no state of desperation and falling into a deep depression other than being out of sorts and trying to figure out what’s wrong it’s like you can’t seem to make sense to others and in the time observing you doesn’t seem to settle the discomfort of your feelings let alone anyone else’s. That’s mania, a lot happening symptoms wise but little progress, so you can write non stop for two days but it will make little sense by the time your stable and well again, that’s psychosis nothing feels right, everything’s difficult, everything’s hard to explain, and you’re pushed further and further away from your goals of recovering just having opened your mouth to talk when you’re not feeling well. Sometimes people are understanding when they can recognize that you don’t sound like yourself other times it’s just the quirk that the term schizophenia seeks to mischaracterize you as, a bunch of things you’re not hopefully not a bunch of things you’re not with the agenda of transforming you or changing you into someone hard to understand or losing their sense of self worth, esteem, pride, and normalcy.

Improving means accepting what has been said wrong and not being held to what’s said in upset. Like anyone upset not limited to bipolar or schizophrenia you need to be alone, you don’t want to be bothered, and less inclined to talk it’s not anyone’s business what upsets you usually what’s upsetting can be forgotten so long as you or anyone else doesn’t constantly bring it up to grill you about in life. It’s your life afterall you just have to stay well, get along with others, be positive, be helpful, not difficult, and a giving person to be happy and successful … I don’t think schizophenia helps in any of those categories it can make you isolate cause others to relate yo you less and run more of a chance being misunderstood than understood receive less compassion or empathy and be more subject to criticism. The problem with mental health issues are the people that don’t have them and hold opinions of you like they know you better than you know yourself nothing will ever be good enough for them, that’s the problem with mental health issues it’s always what’s wrong with you determined by someone looking at you and that can be an intimidating way of going about life looked at weird. No one is that odd or confusing in life not especially by any diagnosis, so I’m not one to give up but what I can do is not complain and do my best to improve whether or not I’m met with compassion or understanding sometimes less is more this has been a good break from writing to just take care of myself.