Surprise yourself, you’re stronger than you think, history isn’t always right about you including your past. If in the past your last attempt to get strong either didn’t last got burnt out or lost momentum so much so you thought you slowed down in life due to old age, you haven’t lived enough life yet to know. Me myself included.

I was taken off adderrall for 22 days not by choice given day meds on psychiatric holds twice August and October so I figured this stay would mean the same but I was sorely mistaken. It’s enough to make the argument for day meds with a diagnosis of schizophrenia hurting my ability to be treated for a learning disability (be prescribed adderrall with preference of psychiatrists who don’t prescribe stimulants to patients they diagnose as schizophrenic — for me “voices” caused the diagnosis).

Anti-Psychotics alone can leave you feeling made to function less, especially painfully on meds such as Invega (takes a long time to adjust to then you’re fine). For me Invega caused weight gain and couldn’t sleep and had massive headaches at the end of each day while working as a paralegal. Sometimes you never adjust and of course the side effects you’ve heard me complain constantly about figure wise. *My job is to get well no matter what meds or treatments I’m given I know that much to simply improve and do my best.

This time was different in treatment was tired napped majority break time the first week then stopped napping and managed to try to diet skip dinner for a week and we were taken on walks daily which helped. When I was first told no that I wouldn’t be given adderrall I had panic attack over the change in care vented to one of the techs (counselors). That was the most I spoke the entire time my first night and tried to keep quiet limited mostly with brief descriptions when brave about Brady and law school and dependence on adderrall to function, but made it 22 days and due to a heart scan I mentioned to the incoming psychiatrist why not prescribed was “given time rest off the med” so instead of reading a 300 page book in the hospital I didn’t read any books and journaled and painted instead.

I’m sure I didn’t lose weight but didn’t gain as much as I thought I would. Excited to start my treadmill routine again everyday planning to be an AM workout girl hit the gym at 5AM. My internist says I look much better from the previous times he’s seen me and is very supportive is going to take care of me here forward glad I found a good doctor who can also prescribe meds, and scan everything! Bloodwork labs healthy just blood pressure high sometimes and next need to quit smoking.

I also made friends in treatment which I’m excited about …. Push myself otherwise I’d be reading and napping this was the first hospitalization I attended groups and didn’t sleep for 14 days …. Proud of me for at this age to be more put together than the previous hospitalizations was more tired.

*The dosage was lessened from 60mg to 20mg.