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Constant Improvement …

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I cant think of a better deterrent to darkness, other than to improve and to move forward in life, it seems the more you get stuck reading the past or reading from your own life, the more time is spent figuring out those lulls instead of living your life through them. When it becomes about others, that’s easy to see, when it becomes about yourself, that can be felt, and that presents a dilemma to anyone upon writing, whether the reader is able to connect on a mutual level, or becomes sided on a prosecutorial level, when it becomes about them, that is when you have lost them, and sometimes thats how people like it, whether that’s a solution for not feeling like you, if it makes sense for them to feel like themselves among others, then sometimes that’s how the cookie crumbles. So right now is about mental health, whether it makes sense for you to view things in the negative, or to view a specific person as having not lived life in the positive such as myself, that I cannot take back, what there is about me anyone is in disagreement to, that cannot be changed, and by the time you start hearing things that you don’t want to hear, that’s when there is no longer a mutual understanding of things, and that’s how someone tries to justify hurt, by saying that you don’t make sense to them, and sometimes that helps someone to make better sense of their own feelings to not understand you. What are things about? If you put yourself out there in life, and tell your story, not everyone will find it to be with heartwarming satisfaction, so don’t assume that people don’t like you before that happens that’s how that occurs. I think I have always done my best to improve, and if its my personal life that’s not understood its because Im not dating have not started dating yet, and have not applied for jobs yet, was waiting to get well, and in that time getting well decided to share my progress with others, and maybe to a default, my story looks simple, or misunderstood, and Im sure it’s the self-harm that seems incomprehensible to someone without empathy for someone who is made to hear voices and hit their head, I cant say what that’s about, but it really has nothing to do with anyone, sometimes its in your time away from others, that you begin to assume what things are about don’t let it get to the point that in that space, you think that anyone is trying to harm you, that ends up bringing more darkness into your life then light and that’s what causes fear. What causes instability, its losing confidence, whether that’s romantically, or in maturity, and that’s what cannot be offset by attraction, its what makes you look unattractive, or unrelatable, we cant control what it is about people that seems stupid, or not funny, not cute, or not feminine, and that you cannot control how others see you, or what identities they combine, commensurate with your own, to come to know you or view you, we cant all be secretly known, or make anyone feel special during any amount of instability or failure, so always do your best. When does a fight occur? Its when someone does not believe you, or expects you to be stronger, and in that quiet space aggressive toward you, that’s to open you up to see what comes out, whether that’s a blog, or a book, photos, or flyers, it will be what is special to you that will want to be known about you, and on that basis, either someone leaves you alone, or seeks to show that you don’t deserve your own wellness, and tries to claim that its by connection smart, I think its by connection that you come to see the world in a positive way, and its by connections that you are granted with confidence, and sometimes its by who you are that others are made to feel special, and by the time all of that stops it will be by how you are living your life, are you around the clock stable on curfew in bed by 8pm, home and not running at night, if not, then you are not trusted, are you dating in real life or talking to people online, are you of value, if not, then you will not be treated as marriage material or fed to the wolves, as they say, we all have different paths in life, and different upbringings and end up where we deserve to be in life, whether or not we stay home, go out, attend AA, talk online, participate on social media, there are plenty of ways to connect the point is not to get hurt while in the process of connecting and also not to hurt others with any point of view in the negative which is what a psychiatric issue is having things wrong, or running the risk of someone mistaking you for being in the wrong, not sharp, or not awake, not a forward thinker, we cant all be action planners, some of us are forced to live for the moment, and thats accepting life the way it is, taking it day by day, we don’t need a crisis or a set of circumstances to occur to make us wiser, brighter, or more understanding of one another. 

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