Out of Sorts …

Have you ever been going in a direction in life, that another has been made unhappy by? That’s your mental health. Figure out where are you situated in life, is it a position that you cannot return from, and what is it that you need to be doing with your life, in order for others to be made to feel okay by you. That’s what mental health issues feel like. Its how you are, and by what your doing with your life, that another is not in conjucntion with whats going well for you views you as. So maybe that’s a position for a doctor, not just any person, to tell you when you are doing a good job living your life, or when there is something about you that needs to be changed. People can be very demanding, and Ive learned this with mental health issues, they will want a specific demeanor, output, or ability, and this is why I blog. I think you can do your best and still not be good enough for anyone who does not understand your limits in life. For each person that is brought into your life, who is made to be unhappy by you, its with expectation that you are supposed to make them feel good, so what I don’t understand is that doing my best to take good photos and speak well to others, why that turned into being attacked, and maybe I will never understand the reasons for being attacked in life. Im allowed to move on, Im allowed to move forward, I don’t have to tolerate abuse from anyone, trying to make a point by making fun of me or insulting me, and what amazes me is that if you allow for it, they wont stop attacking you, maybe why not to let anyone get too close to you if youre a writer, you’ll want to maintain that ability to be well spoken, and be able to articulate your thoughts, and it doesn’t mean that you have to stay your positive encouraging self, so what change. I think out of being nice you talk to others, if there is more that is wanted that youre not able to provide then you are not required to be loving toward anyone who you do not want to be loving with, and that much people will just have to learn to let go. Not everything is for being big, including a blog, or a person, character from a story, or news story, that doesn’t mean that you are someone who people don’t want to hear from, and I think for the most part people are glad to know me on this level, I don’t think that I need a news clip, or to be interviewed and a professional red carpet photo, in order to be recognized as someone who is important, or important to others, not everyone has that opportunity, to be viewed in that way and left alone. So what happens when someone pushes you, it upsets you, and what happens when you are upset, you shout things you become unstable, you may self-harm, and what does that communicate to others, that you are mentally ill, or that someone is aggravating you, insulting you, or mentally disturbing you, and what kind of energy does that create, it makes people uncomfortable, not want to talk to you, have difficulty hearing from you, and find difficulty in helping you. So that’s what it feels like when someone attacks you, who wants sex from you, and is trying to publicly humiliate you and ruin your life, that’s being threatened in life, so what entitles anyone to doing so. If this person is the person in my life, who is embarrassing me, and forcing me to do things and take pictures to show everyone, that means that he does not recognize nor value or appreciate who I am, and its more important for him to trash me, and make me look like someone who is stupid who does not value themselves or the people in their life. It’s a dizzying experience, of not getting upset, being vocal, not engaging with someone who is trying to fight you, and learning to let things go. I don’t think I have ever been in a fight in my entire life, and I cant stand someone who is nice and then mean to you, it’s the absolute worst personality to deal with in life, someone who thinks that they know it all, and insults you like you know it all, all I know is myself, my situation, my circumstance, and my life, and maybe its not important for you to value my sense of peace, and think that its for sport to mentally disturb me, or keep putting me in the hospital over and over again until you get your way and ruin in my life, and I wont allow for it, not here on my blog, not in my life, not to everyone who knows me, and not to myself, give up on all my progress, move forward, date and get a job. So if those are my life forces in life, accept that if I tell you to stop, not to cause suicide to me, because you think that love is more important, than me living my life, when will anyone come to understand that if someone can do better in life and have a life, then to just leave it online, why does everything have to be in real life, why cant people just learn how to hold conversations and move forward in life, why does everything have to be sleep, wake up, and slow my day down, to get me to think about life, in terms of wake sleep cycles, and tired. 

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