When It Comes to Love …

When it comes to love don’t deny your feelings, you could be causing more harm than good in avoidance of facing what baffles you, challenges you, or forces you to look at yourself, asking yourself where do I need to improve? Often times, if you’re like me, we don’t feel validated by the whole experience, sex, we wind up feeling less than, unfulfilled, left waiting, longing for a deeper connection with our partner. [1] What does invalidation mean? It means that: “When you invalidate someone, you basically make them feel like you (a) don’t understand them or their feelings or (b) if you do understand, you don’t care.” [2] Pay attention to one another, there is strength in numbers, isn’t that what partnerships are all about, doting each others Is and crossing each others Ts, a solid union requires buffering one another from those hurt feelings not causing them, the world is tough enough. Everything takes time, I’m sure most people are avoidant of serious relationships because it takes time, and no one wants to deal with the fighting or disagreements over how much time is spent with one another, you can’t be too demanding these days if intimacy is what you want it’s best achieved with willingness not demands or by inflicting resentments into one another that’s bound to create a discomfort between partners. Things are easiest when there is acceptance, acceptance for one another’s strengths as well as careful acknowledgement of one another’s weaknesses and from there we grow, sometimes you don’t see things not unless you are given another lens from which to view things, and this is what makes relationships so beneficial for us not only do we feel like each-other but we get to think like each-other and for one another’s best interests that’s combining heads … you wouldn’t see it had you not known this person to draw inference or reference to those facts in life. I always viewed relationships as opening the door to another life that I get to live one day, someone with a life! That’s what makes meeting people so exciting, but you’ve got to have a life of your own. When you don’t need to go to the other person for validation the better, being confident pays off in the long run, you’ll be that much more ready to begin a new relationship than waiting for life to happen for you or rely on someone to build a life for you. So let that be a motivating factor to building healthier and happier relationships in the future and do your part. Love yourself! There are plenty of ways to feel good on your own that don’t require exploration of your sexuality, most of us are not comfortable with those parts of ourselves when we are not where we want to be in life, sex is like the icing on the cake it’s done in celebration of who we are so figure that much out first … who are you, where are you headed, and who do you hope to become? When you can visualize where you see yourself in the future, no relationship, no breakup, and no person can convince you otherwise to change course as though you don’t know what you’re doing with your life, grab the wheel and hold on tight. It’s so defeating to fall off course in life, especially after breakups. Trust me I’ve been there, and although I’ve seldom dated since, I know one thing is for sure I found myself and found a new passion for writing and running in time away from the dating scene and built a beautiful website that I’m proud of which I wouldn’t have had the time for had I been waiting around for someone to love me I decided to love myself and found many other people online who enjoy knowing me without the requirements of sex to keep things going, most relationships don’t last long if it’s all about that. So keep improving, don’t be ashamed of where you are in life, and keep dreaming there are plenty of fish in the sea you’re bound to find one worth loving at some point, even I’ve found a fish or two.




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