There’s No Guaranteed Route to Respect …

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There’s no guaranteed route to respect, but there are ways to improve upon your chances for it. This is probably why self-improvement is such a hot topic. Figuring out what your weaknesses are and owning up to them, is one way to recognize that you are not everything you want to be and not everything you could be and could be doing a better job of being you, in your own eyes, and in the eyes of others. One of the biggest problems with inferiority or racism, or class issues, is about how you feel in relationship to others, this probably explains why fitness is so popular, how you feel matters in a world in which you are judged by how you look and how you feel first, and secondly how others feel around you, it all goes hand in hand. 

While we don’t like to think that our health has an effect on others, it does, and this is what makes having mental health issues so difficult, more often than not you are to blame for any heaviness around you, as though you lightened up don’t make a difference, when respect is at play, the more serious you are, the more standoffish you are, the more confident you are the better, no one likes anyone aggressive who they do not deem appropriate to have a handle on things or in any leadership position from which others are meant to go by. 

Recently in the news they brought up the fact that Jews are targeted for gun violence, and had I known this 2015, I would not have been so brave to support Brady and make an effort to get to know others in the community, and online. I think recently the stats have changed since the start of the epidemic, and the more limited you are the more powerless you will feel in the face of anything that you are taught to feel threatened by or ashamed of, including your nationality, religion, race, culture, background, and what makes up your identity. -I think things changed once I was defamed, it made people sick of me and hate me, rather than interested in hearing what I have to say, it made people lose all respect for me, and made people think less of me. This is the “ruin” you experience in being made to look stupid, never in my life have I ever carried myself out to be someone above, inferior, or play dumb, I think I have always done my best to be genuine, honest, and smart about how I carry myself, I’m not known to lie, I’m known for my honesty, says my AA meeting in Westwood. 

People who believe in you feel bettered by you, they feel good helping you, and they feel good by your improvements in life, not resentful of what you have been through, sometimes mental health can seem that way “selfish” as alcoholics call it, as though you are consumed with yourself when you are not feeling good, and trained that in the event that you don’t feel good means that you don’t like yourself or are not taking good care of yourself. Whatever drives you to use substances in life to cope, it will always be your downfall and the excuse of others not to sympathize, empathize, or feel sorry for you, it’s a way to make people feel guilty about how they choose to cope, and blame people not substances as excuse to hard on people as though its their own fault that they have less, struggle, are not up to par, or are not feeling well. 

Different things can cause you chaos and mental illness, or dysmorphia, psychosis and instability, it mostly occurs when you get negative voices. Negative voices occur during too much idle time, either your not proving yourself, or your time spent concentrating on something that you are not able to teach and benefit (feed) to others, is viewed as a selfish way of feeling good when you don’t share about what you are doing to feel good, this is the dilemma of the blogger, feeling obligated to help, taking breaks, and the price you pay for committing to being there for others, you can’t just leave, or ignore people, you kind of have to be present and respond, it doesn’t feel good when others feel neglected or ignored by you or your content, so it’s a big job, to one figure out how to address concerns, and two not fall under the spell of what’s ongoing as fixed and applied to you, as some form of political torture upon your identity. 

It’s okay to take breaks if the voices are getting to you, sometimes we are made to think, and sometimes, we have think for ourselves. Being a good blogger means keeping and maintaining a distance to the negative, and not displace what you think people think, and instead share your own thoughts and allow for more agreement than disagreement, is the trick. No one likes to be undermined, just as one does not like to be told that they are doing something wrong that they are not doing wrong, we can each choose to believe what we think is appropriate, I think given my problems, have always turned to the right people in times of need, and have never turned to someone not equipped to help me mentally, and negatively affect their mental health. Once it becomes about that, you will never feel ready to be social, feeling ostracized by your condition, as excuse for others negative judgement and disbelief blame you as though its your thoughts that are wrong and disorganized, why I don’t like my diagnosis of “schizophrenia,” its really demeaning, embarrassing, and belittling and not true. I don’t understand why its okay for others to think creatively but its not okay for me to think creatively and to be defensive. I don’t know how it was caused but Im doing my best, its not genetic, it occurred through blogging, and changes to my identity, friendships, dating, substances, and image. I didn’t get it from anybody in my family, I went off on my own, and as a result of going off on my own it took me years to connect again with my family in a healthy way, not understanding one another, not seeing eye to eye, not recognizing one another with a closeness, I felt far away from everyone, and that tends to happen due to mental health issues. 

Sometimes I don’t know whether to just be myself, or keep things commercial and positive, not get into the nitty gritty or out there issues people might have with me. Right now its about “non-acceptance” and gun violence was one way to get everyone to not accept me, and to view me as the odd man out, to not respect me, and to blame me, as though I am the “law student” identity that “does not belong” and then further accuse me of being a poor representation of “Nicole Brown Simpson” even if I was apart of her life and in her children’s life for the majority of my own life, that’s not who I was trying to be, but now is the issue of who most appropriately represents her interests, and I thought talking to #toddspitzer was a good idea, seeing that I was a popular blogger I didn’t need any help at the time, and thought that I could help him instead. 

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