Relationships can be challenging. You can be everything to someone or you could be nothing. Who are you to you? Reinforce the things you like about yourself, remind yourself of what you’re grateful for.

It’s worth the wait, don’t rush into anything you’re not ready for. Relationships can be a lot of work, just make sure to invest in those you feel good about being with. It’s better to get through your troubles on your own, than to waste time or the time of your partner doing therapy with them. There’s a time and a place for sharing and sometimes it can add difficulty to relationships when you’re not at your best or struggling in life. You’ll know when you’re ready, trust the process.

Be aware of what’s coming from you. Are you being insecure? Are you being possessive? Are you being controlling? What are you not happy about and figure out a way to be more unconditional to those you love. “By identifying your attachment style, you can learn to challenge your insecurities, develop a more securely attached way of relating to others, and build stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships.” [1]

Communication is key. [2] You can’t get what you want out of a relationship without asking for it. Quit blaming others for your feelings and start with learning how to control your temperament and pet peeves. It will be easier to develop a close bond once you’ve let go of your own needs and cater more to your partners needs. It’s a relationship, it’s not rocket science. If you want them to want you more you’ll have to do your best to be more approachable make it easier not harder to love you.

It’s also possible that your insecurities are ruining your relationships. “Whatever it is, your romantic relationship will benefit if you know what the source of your insecurities are.” [3] Are you combative? Do you complain a lot? Are you accusatory? Are you able to show compassion for your significant other? Are you being trustworthy? Do you overthink or overexpose yourself to others?

Working on your self-esteem is one way to build a healthier happier you without leaving too much grunt work on your significant other to cheer you up and reassure you. What can you do to make your partner feel loved? “An awareness of insecurities is usually a sign a person is self-aware and in touch with difficult emotions.” [4]

Whenever I feel lost or lonely I think, how would I want to be treated in a relationship and that’s how I decide how to be toward those I love. As it turns out I’ve been able to create relationships with others online and in real life that have lasted longer than I anticipated.

Each person you meet in life is in your life for a reason and if it’s not meant to be have faith that there will be others you’ll meet in life who will love you more, understand you better, and willing to stick around even in tough times.

Reference:

[1] https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/attachment-and-adult-relationships.htm

[2] Coping With Insecurity in a Relationship

[3] Insecure in relationship – What to do if you have relationship insecurity

[4] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parenting/202104/healthy-and-unhealthy-insecurity-and-the-impact-relationships