Let’s clean slate, it’s almost the Holidays and a New Year is coming, now’s a good time to practice forgiveness, and be proud of how far we have come as “mymollydoll” fans, and enthusiasts and aspiring writers and bloggers ourselves. All things aside, I think what we do have in common runs deeper than any argument or anything that can put in words, in the spirit of wellness it’s a good time for us to hang our hats, and dust off our pants, and brush our hair back, and try to just smile. How often we forget to just smile after everything has been said, and after what has been done to cause us chaos, who are we to be in spite of all that, ourselves, at peace, and sometimes thats all you have to go by. Quiet time is a good time to reflect, no matter how it’s made, it only means that it may be difficult for people to speak and that’s not always their fault, depending on what the issues are looming, this can inhibit people’s ability to speak. I did some research today on when it’s difficult to write and all I found were articles on “Writers Block.” 

According to goinswriter.com common solutions for Writer’s Block are to: “go for a walk, eliminate distractions, do something to get your blood flowing, play, change your environment, read a book, freewrite, and listen to music.” [1] My Mom commented on how I’m doing today and said that today I look normal and asked what I was doing, I told her listening to tapes on Udemy, taking it easy, staying in bed, watching movies on Hulu, and blogging or journaling. 

Sometimes we have to calm down all our emotions no matter how triggered, which can’t be offset through talking to others or being online, can be handled away from the spotlight on your own time. It’s called thinking, not reacting, processing emotions, and allowing the dust to settle. If my version of reality is causing me to believe that this person is personally insulting me based on what someone who has only known me briefly is saying about me online, then I should ask myself why are people believing what he says over what I have to say. In what way as a writer online for 10 years should I have ever been questioned as coming from a different place in life than I present. That you cannot hide about yourself, who you are and what you look like, that evolves over time, through weight loss, medication management, and feeling good about yourself, it doesn’t all happen for you at once, the longer neck line and head shape, that occurs when you are ready to blossom, and mostly occurs with love, when you feel supported by someone who you grow to love and trust. That’s the shine that takes hold of those who feel connected to you, admired.

It’s your inside voice and mechanisms for comfort that either you can bring yourself to a close, and express how you’re feeling without not making sense, in a way that is settling to others, or you become incapable of that. The hallmarks of the inappropriateness of mental health issues, something that you may be experiencing that another is not. So in what way is this not a unique experience to those who suffer from mental health issues. Well we are all new to situations or we are old timers to situations and circumstances, some of us have more experience with others combatting discomfort. Some of us have more resources available to us in life that does not cause us to second guess yourself, and some are cushioned so much that they can speak and behave in a way that normal people cannot.

I am someone who is not privileged in that way to wear whatever I want, or look however I want, or do whatever I want, I am someone who lives under restrictions in life, I was raised conservative, to go to law school, to get married, to play by the rules, not to make easy money publishing a book, to earn a living the hard way in a 9 to 5, and it’s not my fault that I was diagnosed with a condition that inhibits my ability to work for 8 hours at a time. 

If it is not clear who I am or what my goals are in life, then it’s better to take the high road politically on how I came to be (it’s not you #kanyewest who has been discriminated from jobs and treated as lesser or mentally ill, it’s me that’s not physically fit enough to work or to be spoken to supported or trained). Then for what reasons did I keep going in life? Had it not been for my blog I would not be alive today, had I not called the police for help or go to the hospital when not feeling well, then I would not know what to do in the event Im not feeling well. Had I not started writing, then I would be off medications living a simple life doing nothing, sleeping all day, sedentary, but I choose to take meds instead. I don’t think I deserve a life to be incapacitated, it’s not me who is the problem or who has problems Im not confrontational, I can accept the fact that people may know me or recognize me and not support me, or not respect me, and that I cannot change about reality, that Im not famous, or if Im not known for something positive like my blog or book writing, to be known by lesser terms. So please don’t treat me like I’m someone random who just came about in life, feeding off of the successes of others. I think I built my own success from the ground up and don’t need any grassroots help from any homeless or “schizophrenic” community you seek to associate me to, or any racist Psychiatrists who upon seeing me and hearing me talk about voices, told that Im schizophrenic, meanwhile everyone talks about “voices inside your head” like it’s a normal thing including the TV Show: Wonder Years, and not given medications for it, why am I given medications? 

Is it because of the way I talk, then maybe I shouldn’t have gone to law school. Is it because I’m a writer, I should’ve gotten my Masters in Sociology and written research papers if that was my specialty prior to going to law school, and if it’s my identity knowing OJ, well how can you reverse time and disqualify me from a story or for what reasons, based on something that someone else has to say about me, how does that make up who I am in life, and how am I responsible for that person’s anger toward me? I think all meetings with people are personal and poignant and now especially, if I was not physically or mentally capable of connecting then I would not that must have meant that I was feeling well and based on how I was being treated thought it would be a better idea to separate, that’s what 911 told me to do. 

Reference:

[1] https://goinswriter.com/how-to-overcome-writers-block-2/