In this Country you are innocent until proven wrong. I was watching the news today and saw street art of a hello kitty doctor on a city box. Excellent point, of course to me as related to me represents a series of thinkings that Im not sure all who don’t know me would see the same thing upon looking at the painting, they might just think Sanrio or the assassination of a recent Ex President of Japan and world famous Diplomat who once served his Country. He was shot while public speaking. This hello kitty painting would only make sense relevant to know if we knew where Hello Kitty originated from, a Japanese company Sanrio, who had a store next to my Kumon math as a child, that is the only references that come up for me, and above where Kumon moved, is a company name by Elyn Saks, who is a famous woman with schizophrenia who attended Yale Law School and now teaches at USC, I was recommended to read her book before going to Law School, before I was hospitalized, so that’s the significance of Elyn Saks, as related to my life story, Im sure her diagnosis came at a different point in her life, different from my own experiences in life, my diagnosis did not occur until May 2020. After years of battling bipolar and being hospitalized for being tired, and then taken off day meds, was the usual routine and treatment, no episodes involving other people, no fighting, nothing crazy, nothing weird written, that was just routine for me, since having been hospitalized before law school for swallowing a bottle of kolonopin.

I can tell you from my own experience that most of mental health issues are a misunderstanding of what is occurring for you in life, what stands out to you in life, and what you find yourself aggravated by in life. I assure you that life gets tougher not easier, then there are jobs, bills, and if you make it to having your own family one day, marriage, and the responsibility of taking care of other human beings other than yourself in life. What has been key to my recovery is to attend treatments, and go through the process of being taken off all meds like 2011, no day meds or night meds no meds at all, and be reset, sometimes life is challenging in a physical way, you wont be treated with the meds that you need, based upon what is going on for you, and if you can’t clearly state what is going wrong for you, the likely conclusion is that you are “delusional” or have “poor perspective” if you are not feeling well, you will never know why, you could have everything and still fall sick, it’s probably bipolar or something, or depression, and usually talking to a Doctor about it, or a hotline, is the best solution, to see whether what is going on within you makes sense, what hotlines are for, validation and for making you feel better, whereas therapy is about a diagnosis, what is wrong with you, and trying to figure out what is wrong with your thinking or your feelings, where in session all the things that make you feel sick inside will come up, and all the ways you have felt hurt in life are brought up, and all the way you feel challenged in life are discussed, and all the ways you are struggling in life are reviewed.

So how does that occur? Bad decision making, drinking alone, dating and having sex, these are ways that you either get to live as an adult, or if you are like me, you get hurt, lose power, and get called names, so that’s the difference between getting married and living single. I think I have lived long enough to maintain an open perspective on the subject, we get better choices these days through the apps, but I was never one to be done by someone I was not attracted to and not interested in only a couple times, and felt really sick afterwards and not myself, paranoid, and ended up losing confidence and not feeling good about myself, so that’s how your power gets lost through sex, when someone you are not attracted to does you, or when someone who you are not into, who feels rejected by you, then becomes aggressive toward you, and hurts your feelings, because they think that you are purposefully hurting their feelings, by not wanting to touch bodies with them, that’s a choice.

You can be an easy going person and get through most of life, caring less, but let those things go, most things are consensual, and you will not know if you have been hurt until way afterward, so keep taking care of yourself, and shine anyways, in spite of those taking advantage of you, who did not care about you, or check on you, some will stick around, and some wont claim any fault as to whatever happens to you in life, that’s just life single, you are responsible for yourself first and foremost, and secondly don’t fight with anyone over what you do in life, there is always a way out, and that is called abstinence, where you allow everyone to move on, except for yourself, to me that was a smart decision, to not keep dating 2014 on, and so it continues, hard to get back into being loving with others, but Im doing my best. Why I need to lose 60 lbs, having sex is a an extremely intimate experience in which you get physically attached to who does you, so that in their absence you worry or feel connected to them and think about them, and the wait and if its difficult to get ahold of them, can cause you to become an airhead, or less focused in life. Why to only engage in sexual relationships with people who are available and able to speak with you, otherwise you have to be able to take care of yourself, to have a more causal experience in life with sex, where you don’t feel physically affected in their absence, and you still have the same amount of energy with or without them in life. Why being friends is best, someone you can talk to, not someone who you meet and have difficulty talking to, it will be someone who takes the time to get to know you, who you remember in the positive, and who upon talking about, only have positive things to say, that’s the best way to avoid, having problems later in life, and run the risk of being mislabeled a bad experience. I think that’s wrong to do to a woman, call her out as being a bad experience, a woman who is able to give love is healthy, a woman who can’t is not available or disabled.

We each experience life and make choices to talk or not to talk to people in life, you really cant expect that much of a woman, with now disability.I barely have energy to work on my blog and post everyday on Instagram, and it hurts to be connected to anyone who is insulting you or does not believe in you, its like being connected to something or someone who hurts you, and takes energy away from you, or interferes with your progress by saying things to get you to focus or fixate on words that hurt your head, its hard to talk to someone who constantly communicates things to you, to insult you, as though you are supposed to speak well and feel good by what they are saying. Its hard to talk to anyone, who is all about themselves, its not okay to blame a woman for how you feel, you should not talk to anyone who you don’t feel good by, and my disability does not entitle anyone to treat me as contagious, or confuse what Im saying to mean something else, or provocative to spite anyone, I know better than that. I know better than to love someone who I am not supposed to love, I know better than to talk to someone who is only about themselves.

I know better than to trust anyone, who would willingly treat me as guilty online, and try to convince 8 million people that Im used up and grose. I graduated from law school and can work, I have written online for 10 years helping people in the best of spirits and positive, working my hardest to get likes one day and to be appreciated as a writer. It is not my intent to throw my life away, or be caught pants down just to make a joke of my successes in life, ruin my good fortune and hard work and discipline. My life story is beautiful and according to that worth over $8 million dollars in books for that many people to have read my story and heard of my pen name, what attracted people to that hate website is that Im of value and they know of my pen name, what got people to that website, is that I am searched directly by pen name, so that was trying to steal my identity and what I built my brand built online by my words and my ideas and my thoughts and my solutions, and my ideas for prevention, and tried to turn me into trash, and I am not someone who is trashy toward people, and I don’t trash people in my life, if things are not working out, that means I need to focus on myself, and with disability, I am not always available to cater to everyones needs until they feel better, nor am I to continue to work in spite of negativity and be forced to work until someone who hates me is convinced not to hate me, and that’s what being professional is about and working, its for respect, its so I earn money, so that I am not harmed, its so I can date, so I don’t have to be alone in the world and devalued by anyone who doesn’t know my worth as a human being, and to protect my sanity, not be played as stupid, or get my head hurt worrying about someone, who is not sure about me. It my job to prove them wrong.