beauty, bipolar, blog

Within Reason …

Within reason chase your dreams in life whatever they may be, but never at your own expense go backwards and question yourself. Eventually you have to accept where you are in life whether on point or on track, never stop goal setting and moving forward in life no matter how unhappy you are. Any progress is better than none. It’s when you stop trying you become a disappointment and lose motivations in life. To succeed at anything worthwhile you have to keep going even on bad days and even when the times get tough keep thinking ahead in terms of what you could be doing better always questioning whether what you’re doing now is going to get you to where you want to be in life. Really cheesy quote to highlight the odds against you in life with learning disability I can relate post breakup fighting with a ex who wanted to marry me, leaving a three year relationship in pursuit of a career thinking if I’m not finishing law school with him excelling in life than this is not a good relationship for me. You learn later in life to take responsibility for your own failures in life and poor time management skills. If you can’t date and finish a masters then don’t date and that’s why I stopped dating to finish my masters will be graduating next year. I may not have a career yet and I could’ve been married by now but that doesn’t mean I’m a complete failure or messed up in life, in the hierarchy of life as unwed I fall way below in terms of respect as compared to those deemed of higher standing in life because they are married. Which is why I lost 50 lbs but that didn’t seem to make a difference. Respect yourself. Life’s not all about how people treat you, that’s all in your head mostly, so long as you are presentable expect to be greeted courteously by others if you don’t take good care of yourself don’t expect others not to notice or comment or treat you differently. Sobriety has been key to my success if bipolar is the issue then drinking doesn’t help it took awhile for me to accept my diagnosis and take the night meds, it’s also been difficult to take night meds and work as tired and lethargic gained all my weight back. You have to be a certain way to survive in this world poised and even tempered otherwise you get put on meds, mood corrected, personality changed, and adjusted until you become some better version of what’s considered normal and acceptable look wise appearance wise behaviorally and socially. When insulted all your hard work and high standing gets tarnished by those who seek to bring you down in life by choosing not to be with them and be alone, that’s not deserved to be sent off in life until mentally ill taunted and ridiculed and aggravated until one self harms, there’s no need for being accusatory toward someone who flew to DC for two weeks and left law school -we are allowed breaks in relationships. This was 2013. Why was it okay for him to take breaks to focus on himself and his studies but not okay for me to take breaks to focus on myself and my studies. After dating him I did not find any solid matches in life who valued me and have since not dated anyone seriously. Until you are of value with a career and able to provide for yourself don’t expect to meet anyone willing to love and take care of you especially not if you have disability on meds and without a job it’s hard to date or find love let alone maintain friendships. I guess this is why I started blogging, something to do to pass the time instead of self harming something to do while in recovery something to do while looking for a job or while in between jobs and something to do while learning how to write a book, it’s been a wonderful few years of self growth online and glad to finally be presentable with likes and comments and follows, consistent and professional, a few flair ups here and there but for the most part stable, thank you for your support! Happy New Year 🌸

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