Based on what you have going for you in life, certain things happen for you in life, and not always in the order that you would expect, hopefully there will not have been too much to go wrong for you in life, that anything new becomes difficult, and that’s living with disability. Its not a regret, it simply means that you could be doing a better job at living life than you have, and whatever you have kept secret about yourself, hopefully that’s not the end all be all determining factor for acceptances in life, not knowing what is real or not real (meaning: voices). I think that voices is simply another world trying to get through to you, thinking you have forgotten that you get voices, or treat you as though that’s an existing condition, something that you can be controlled by, and if you haven’t enough nerve set in you, to speak for yourself, well hopefully those wont be the voices speaking for you in life, anyone who is trying to control you, or convince you otherwise that you don’t have anything going for you in life worthwhile. Its always easier looking on the outside of things to play guessing games, lifes not meant to be lived like charades, where a public perception should be controlling or governing the choices you make in life, nothing with a shock value ever strengthened a person or their story for that matter, and maybe what makes sense to others is to view things in that way, someone who doesn’t attract or has issues, I think if people don’t believe in you or become turned off by you, that is their own worry with regards to your capability in life, and not seeing you as one of them, someone who is going to make it in life, and move forward. In your lost years, without friends, companionship, or love, it can be a very painful recollection of where you have been in life and what you could be doing better, and its hard to explain that pain to anyone new coming into your life, about what your setbacks have been, why you feel broken, or what is the cause for your disability now. Disability is something I have always believed can be overcome, no matter who has said that first, or what has happened, proven wrong, I think past the point of being proud of anyone, there really is nothing to say, and it’s a force that cannot be stopped, the wellness of anyone by interpretation of you, becomes an endless game of scatter braining you, and combining feelings for interpretation, between your own shoes and the shoes of another, of course its everyones nature to have compassion, and to understand life from a lens other than their own, but it will not be until you focus on something, that it stands out to you, and by what you see, either things making sense of you in the immediate, having a bigger picture understanding, or not seeing things in a light way at all, and that could be by personal defect, that others contemplate differences more than they do the positives, and that much you eventually have to let go of, what people think, that’s usually not what keeps you withdrawn from most things in life, it will be based on how you feel about yourself, not what others think about you, that stifles you most. Ive noticed that in my years alone, keeping busy was a positive, maybe I took for granted the importance of staying in shape, and the only years in which I have fallen ill, are when I have been focused on everything except what was keeping me well staying active, going to the gym, not necessarily a lack of a social life. As you get older you realize the importance of physical activity, to help manage stress, and it can be a destination away from your problems, to reach a sense of peace within yourself, through running or other sport activities, perhaps why athletes are so admired, not because of their shape, but because of their focus and ability to do things and make things happen, which make all things being human feel possible, there is inspiration in that. -Ive decided to start dating again, I don’t think Im completely ready, but being alone is not the solution, having friends is important, someone to talk to, besides just sharing your problems or whatever complexities have amassed overtime, during the course of all your ups and downs in life, it seems when you have the least faith in yourself, everyone believes in you, and when you are focused on yourself doing mundane tasks keeping busy, everyone wants you to do more. I think past the point of getting in trouble you are given one opportunity to move forward, its not that Im extremely hard on myself, its that its extremely difficult to keep moving forward once you have been put down in life, that much you never forgive yourself for, there will always be excuses for what people think things are about, you will always be hurt most, the more you are convinced that youre not capable, and in trying to understand where another is coming from, be made to feel that much less than a capable of being who you were, before being made to question yourself, or think that anything you wanted to happen for you in life, not possible. -I think recently there has been an issue, with who I am on paper, who I am in real life, who I am through blogging, then how that has all played out, over the course of the last 4 years, all of which I feel like I have been losing a bigger part of myself each step I take, and maybe that was others sense of peace to treat me as someone who was in comradere feeling apart of, or ever suddenly veering off course in any sort of commanding role where anyone was being criticized, I think you can only help so long as you have an idea for solution, based upon what you have seen, and it will be based on acceptances per industry that they see you as having the characteristics or potential to understand on a bigger level what everythings about, without interrupting the flow of what is working for everyone right now, which could have nothing to do with you, why having problems makes it very difficult to enter any creative spaces in life, that’s what makes it hard to work with someone who doesn’t know what things are about, assuming that its something you have done wrong or responded poorly to life in a public way, then blame you as being the cause of anyone causing harm to others, theres really no excuse for any public outbursts, and if that was the solution to see demonstrated then that’s clearly a hand at life I did not win in, it will be something that they think happened, and it will not be something that is explained to you, then it will be something talked about, and then that will be the cause for disillusionment, sometimes it becomes about what others think, why its important to always take responsibility for what you have said where and when, and also take into consideration how that can change the opinion of you from respect, to not viewing you as the stable and professional person you were. So that’s no one pretending, hands folded on their desk, like nothing bad is happening, and I also don’t think that it’s a quality that anyone needs to chime into or better understand, through reactions occurring in one person, Im not sure where the logic is to that, whats within is within, no matter what your exposures are in life, but be careful never to mention or think too hard about whatever it is that is not going right, and forget to appreciate what you do have in life, it will surely be limited and shortened the more you add to your plate, and that’s the biggest setback, to anyone who has it all, who is then made to fall silent to many issues, its not to impede the progress of those who have yet to feel limited by what it is they are thinking or what they think others are thinking, if it were a friendly game of trying to understand where one another is coming from, then it should be something that you can glance over but not any understanding that tires you or makes anyone feel like they have been wronged, let alone having been wronged by anyone, who is not obligated to explain life to them, or what it is they see. So that’s the beauty, and also the catch to letting people into your world, some may want to know what you know, and that will be their sense of peace, and some with explain things to you, and that’s them demonstrating some leadership through input, and some will feel wronged by you, if you turn out to be someone or something that they did not expect you to be, and that’s anyone managing a shock without your input, and that can also be them assuming something to be true about you, without even knowing you that well, and that much can cause relationships to now work out, like talking about your dating history, that’s nothing that helps only hurts people in trying to get to know you, and also causes them to lose respect for you, on the basis of who they think you have been with, or by what they assume to be a loving relationship, in an intimate or attraction based warmth based way, which is not something you recognize until your 30s, where all that warmth is coming from, if not from you, when you recognize the opposite occurring, that is people being distant to you, playful with you in an annoying way, not something you need to overanalyze later in life. How you self-identify later in life, if not to better make sense of how you were treated on the basis of what was reviewed in your computer, shouldn’t be anything to set you or anyone off, they will feel so entitled to doing so, and there is nothing you can do about what people think they have the right to know, what are your exposures what are you reading, watching, looking at, Im sure theres an exact record somewhere on google.com, facebook.com, tumblr.com, twitter.com, and Im sure if there was anything wrong with any of my exposures or what I have said, that there would have been graver consequences to where I am ending up in life, whether or not Im on anyones team, or more sensitive to some than others, I don’t think Im a think tank, I don’t think that writing makes me a think tank, and I don’t think anything new becomes of you, upon being studied by others, that’s where the redundancy comes from, what you have written, upon study, what is expected, and then speaking to that expectation, which is not based on different information, scientific information, then whats is the purpose for analyzing information, if its not based on some understanding for comprehension that’s beyond, words, phrases, or writings of thoughts. This is when thinking becomes difficult, and its not something that sports can replace, whats going on up top, the ideas that flow, the readings based upon your writing, when everything becomes limited to what is thought, or if everything is read for insult, it becomes a very picky battel of words, what is connected to what, and that’s not how writing should be viewed, based upon putting together a story, or triggering for more information with regards to an understanding, which may take a paragraph to say, and two words upon reading to articulate, and maybe its too late to appreciate or value that type of input through writing online, that something not difficult to understand is of value. So starting over on a new website, is a plus, and should not be viewed in the negative. I don’t think I have ever said anything that’s not forgiveable, I do think I needed therapy, and Im sad that I had to figure out most of life through writing, and I don’t think that I am yet at a solution where I am made to feel completely good about myself, especially if anyone thinks that somethings not adding up, or its not all adding up backwards exactly as they thought it would, that’s not what slows life down, its in misunderstanding, or having to do things over again, that can seem painful, I think “day to day” was a good solution for starters, begin again, and if you cant begin again, then seriously think whether your investigations past, are what will shine the most light on what is important right now, so if that’s not the “slippery slope” then Im not sure what is, and maybe those who study law can foresee this as becoming a problem quicker than most, the point at which something not proven becomes the basis for insult, then what feels good, will be things that reinforce insult, then who is that supporting the wellness of, those who view whats gone wrong in insult, what happens when most people are okay with everyones progress and not viewing anything in a scientific way, that need be balanced by story input or insight to favor a viewpoint, or how things should be viewed in terms of how things can go right or how things have gone wrong past.