beingpositive, beingtoomuch

(Day 28): #laxcourthouse [Whats Coming From You …]

Hopefully you never get to a place in life where you don’t feel like yourself, or have nothing to offer anyone, meaning that in exchange for knowing you, not be made to feel good about your progress or hopeful for themselves, and whatever is included in your future too. I think later in life, you recognize how much effort goes into building relationships, and recognize that that comfort wont happen automatically, and the longer it takes for you to get well and stay well, the fewer your options are in life, to contact people that you do care about and who have been there for you, and be in one piece, enthusiastic about life and positive about your future. This is what waiting for being well to talk to others is about, you wont recognize the value in feeling well by others, unless you are ever made to not feel well, then either don’t feel good on your own, or experience difficulty feeling well hearing from others, that’s not just excitement in life, theres a system if your not careful, to not devalue the importance of staying well, and not to affect others when you don’t feel well, or be made to not having made a positive impression in life, that’s what staying well is about being able to go to law school graduate and to work important jobs in life, you wont know how far you have fallen, hopefully not before its too late, for you to fix what life you have left, and not be made to feel sick, or be mistreated as though you were not the person you were when you were well and noticed by others, no everyone expects that you will not stay strong or focused, we don’t all know our limits in life, and that’s not on a personal basis that you are ever made to not feel strong, or smart, or motivated. This is just recently, be careful who texts me, who I don’t know, who I do know, and manage my privacy, and also not to send messages to anyone who cannot respond, remember format, I think in lower moments in life, reaching out to the past to be supportive, can make you seem like you are sad, or not in positive spirits and doing well, and this is how connecting fails when you are not doing well, and can be draining, had I known that I would lose my enthusiasm and positivity making quotes and sharing on Instagram taking photos, and writing on my website, I would not have ever wasted time talking to anyone I don’t know, I think its based on who you talk to in life, or who you feel hurt by in life, its those attachments in life, that you lose energy to, and it actually turns out that that effects your ability to connect with others, when you are made to be concerned, worry, or be stressed out, about where any energy is coming from, in the event that you are not supported in your worries in life, be made to seem like you have ever been unsupportive, or the other way around abusive in terms of the content that you disclose in private to anyone, or the basis for that conversation, lost, or deleted not by you, this means that when you are well, you have a sense of peace, in which you have a quiet space that you can reach out to others, and share kind words, in support or with enthusiasm, its only upon later not being well, that you acquire stress, that makes you difficult to talk to, or have difficulty saying anything to anyone, be made to feel quiet, that’s a problem with staying positive, the length of the conversation you have with others, either tires you or bothers you based on what you allow yourself to take personal or feel side tracked by, the benefit of being in loving relationships, is that you get a free space to talk and be heard and listen, in quiet admiration, or support of others, there has been no other point in my life, where I have ever not been outgoing and been loving, and to later recognize that half of my mental health issues, are based on me not being supported, or who I admire being more supported than me, I would never think to love of anyone in life, if that meant to lose power or respect either to them or to myself in life popularity wise or empathy wise, and this is when forgiveness happens, why if you date its important to stay well, otherwise you don’t want to be treated as someone who was of interest, who they either wish that they didn’t know or love, when theres a mutual feeling, not based in love, but without feeling bothered or threatened by where anyone is at in life, that’s how you allow others to move forward, not be brought down based on acceptances of you, so this is what blogging is about, I overinvested so much time in being well in writing online, and as a result did not stay well, to later graduate and be able to date men who loved me and knew me before I ever had mental health issues or self-harm, and there for me through initial recovery efforts, on your own, it can be a difficult road, if who you talk to or any system of feeling good or feeling safe is marginalized to mean for feeling good or having learned any of those aspects in life in feeling good off of anyone who is doing well, I recognize that you have to know people in life and later be comfortable around them, to be lifted or proud whenever you see someone you know, which is difficult if you are not doing well, recall all the moments in life when people were happy to see you, and when you were loved, you will always be reminded in a painful way, if you are ever to complacent or don’t stay well, in any addictions in life, or social or romantic dilemmas, that interfere with your ability to just move forward, so to me that’s what knowing people in life is about and not feeling hurt by others, its not a treacherous path in life social media and blogging not if you are smart enough to appreciate the value in keeping yourself well, and others, whether that’s forewarning, or learning as you go, and later informing others in any later state of being what you have learned, I don’t think we are all smart enough to know what connects and attracts us in life, or makes talking difficult, but hopefully you stay special no matter who you are or where you are in life, not feel minimized on any basis, story small or big. 

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