Reputation Matters …

Life is hard and there are losses, especially the ones due to drugs, alcohol, and sex -that’s how you lose your power in life, and that’s entrusting your life in the hands of non-medical professionals, who cannot care for you or treat you, serve you, if you become sick or not well, and they also don’t take responsibility in the event that you look or sound weird leaving their establishment, or doing their drugs, or the voices that can be caused in isolation or paranoia in the event that you are doing something wrong, and don’t feel like yourself, good. So that’s reputation, in the real world always speak well of others, and taught to ignore people who are sick or on meds, told that they don’t make sense, or told that there is something wrong with them that they think they can determine or prove and that’s the hunt by someone who things you are either coming on to something in life to become angry or realized something in life and got upset, or are something in life based upon your health or the status of your relationships. All peace is lost in mental illness, and that’s the most difficult aspect of being given a mental health diagnosis or illness such as schizophrenia, however caused, being found in the wrong, being ignored, trying drugs, failing at something you did well, being taunted or wrongfully accused of things you are not doing nor have ever been, and that’s a system of disrespect for getting rid of people in life, as though the rest of everyone will feel better if they suffer, and that’s not the peoples job, to diagnose people, to misinterpret their life as not real, or to criticize their problems in life or diagnoses. That’s what turns a good life bad, someone who thinks you have it better in life and wants you to suffer and die, and destroy your life, simply because you were told to stop talking to someone trying to control you or make you looks stupid, and that’s intimacy when the man wants to communicate to the rest of the world and thinks things are good based on their thoughts and doesn’t recognize that things are also good based on my thoughts and its not my thoughts that don’t recognize what is around me or in my life, its being insulted or convinced that I am something I am not, on what basis? Gay or not, feminine or not, pretty or not, fat or not, educated or not, succeeding or not, working or not. That’s a lot to take in in life when you are expected to have information or mistreated as withholding information, I don’t withhold anything I shared everything, I have nothing in my subconscious or conscious that is not written online in a permanent way to exist forever whereby if there was scientifically something wrong with me or a judgement passed through to me, that word would arrive or in an uncomfortable closeness to which you think I am trying to sound or sooth or be friends with people who don’t like me and want to attack me in life, because they think Im stupid, well life isn’t stupid, and stupid happens, and Ive never bullied or insulted anyones intelligence in life, I have always encouraged acceptance for all even in speeches I have written, I worked hard to be smart, I started with a 143 LSAT that’s below average and a 990 SAT and I still got As on essays, I had to take the LSAT prep courses twice and applied to every law school that I could willing to move anywhere. That’s not what applying to a public health school is about in another Country, I don’t have problems with people in my Country and I am not bothered what songs or movies are about even if about me that is not the cause of my mental illness, maybe it is the cause of mistreatment toward me thinking that I am fine or I am big because of things Ive not done, or be considered sick by things they think Im thinking or have done, so that I don’t matter, so that Im not looked at or thought of. This is a free Country where you can idolze and love anyone you want you can see the beauty in whoever you think fondly of and what to feel inspired by you are free to blame or think less of whoever you are not impressed by or don’t need in life or don’t think is helpful or unimportant or blameworthy based on the President’s agenda, they know who everyone is because everyone is online famous who has introduced themselves and they have outlooks and information of their own to manage and maintain and represent our Country, therefore in what way would I have ever misrepresented or lied about my life or be known or to write, I wrote simple online and spoke well and wrote freely, passed the point of being harmed I will not be at ease, I will be bothered, I will be uptight, I will feel hurt, and I will be disciplined, and I will improve, and I will not waste time fighting, and I will not be bothered by others, I will not have time to message or check on people, I will not be going by others, or if I experience positive changes in life, then I will be bothered or expected to share my life with others, because that’s the type of free forgiveness that’s afforded to people in life, for them to feel well by you.

Changes I need to make:

(1) Not post photos online.

(2) Audition again for the Voice.

(3) Attend the Shorty Awards and get a professional photo taken, ask for help.

(4) Work and get paid, interview well.

(5) Sell my car and get a new car, not be bullied.

(6) Not wear sweatpants in public or pajamas.

(7) Wear makeup to bed and all day everyday.

(8) Walk and exercise everyday and fix my upper body.

(9) Date or get married if I can.

(10) In the future be independent enough to pay for myself, live alone, work hard.

(11) Not get in trouble or be robbed, not need help or therapy anymore.