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When You’re Not Feeling Good ….

Different things keep people motivated and feeling fulfilled of value intelligent motivated determined positive and hopeful in life for me it’s been through blogging, all work experiences aside, (not everyone is prepared for not being good at something whether that’s social skills responding or staying even tempered eventually you outgrow insult and feel less threatened by others understanding what you don’t give power to in life you don’t assume fault or be treated like you were not appreciative of those who were nice to you in life). Misdescribe the past everyone does their best to be nice to you, and no one is obligated to help you in life the less you expect the better off you’ll be, no harm no foul, at least avoid the risk of coming across as insulting to anyone you respected or admired in life. Okay with. Never did I decide to not stay well, get sick, or be stuck in confrontations in life, I don’t think you expect to get sick doing your best and maybe that’s the cost of being talked about, accepting that people will not understand if you are well or not understand if you are sick, not know where your motivations in life went, why you stopped challenging yourself, or why you’re not doing well under performing I think on new meds off days meds was extremely difficult to stay positive and gained 20 lbs I don’t think you have a choice when someone tells you that you are something and trying to treat you for something they have identified thats a psychiatrist. So I’m patient with myself I don’t think it’s necessary when you stop doing well to expect others to understand and that’s a good time to not be talked about or to lay low I think taking my website down was a good idea that was my best work … so even if I’m not well that doesn’t mean my works not well, and even if I’m having difficulty communicating that doesn’t mean that I expect anyone to understand. That’s what problem privacy is for. There is a divested interest in supporting wellness in others like I have tries to maintain my own wellness and there is an undivided interest in not complicating issues having to do with you when you’re not doing well and that’s not doing well it’s hard to follow hard to understand hard to empathize with doesn’t make sense and that’s not the purpose for blogging to subject myself to harm or anyone I care about or anyone who is interested in getting to know me become disappointed. I think there are standards I don’t think socially the same demands are made of friends at least that’s not my experience only later in life concerned with image and who’s bringing who down or underperforming so for whatever it’s worth that’s not an argument I’m going to win if I’m not doing well and that’s also not a winning argument for anyone to see me not doing well.

Cancelled run today drove to Orange County called 911 from OC in the event I need help they drive to me have to call in their jurisdiction and spoke to the OC Sheriff office thats doing my part to make sure that my pen pal is not affected and also to make sure that my mental health issues are said in words properly by me to a recorded space that can identify fault Whats my fault or what I have said that makes people think that something is my fault and later misinterprets me talking to a DA leadership or chummy and not being cautious of his mental health and need to diffuse blame even if it means to get people thinking away from what could be to blame based on a reported incident not be mistreated like a communication system in real life like anyone communicates to me for criticism or to miscommunication to anyone in a way that my presence is not wanted to be seen or be apart of or affected by thats instability probably something wrong with you not wrong with others that’s noticeable if there is something wrong with you not the problem of others. I’m sober. If I’m thinking maybe that’s something I’m processing why I have schizophrenia now and although I’ve done my best and it may be funny that might make sense to someone normal but be very stressful for me no nothing is funny and I’m not making fun of others I’m making fun of being made to feel like I’m offensive or annoying or stupid or out in the world not helpful so that’s how a job relationship or wellness can’t change anyone convinced I’ve said something wrong or saying things that turn others off or make them think that I’m stupid or guilty or responsible.

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